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A Note

I love flowers. I love spontaneity, and pleasant surprises. I'm dainty and ambitious; really. I nurse others. There's more than meets the eye when it comes to me.

 Yours Truly

N A D I A H
200788
ngee ann poly
school of health sciences
Children's Emergency, KKWCH

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Image Forever 21






Saturday, June 24, 2006 9:00 pm
I decide.



New layout. Again. But this time, I think I'm going to stick to it for quite some time. Cuz I LOVE this layout. If only I knew how to make this kind of layout. I mean, isn't it pretty? It's LOVELY!

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest coming out soon. I want to watch it cuz I liked the first one, Curse of the Black Pearl.

Last two days of holidays. Monday would be the start of my 2-week clinical attachment. I'm a little excited. But I'm not looking forward to seeing my clinical facilitator. She hardly smiles. I don't like.

Updated at 23.35 hours.
I'm suddenly feeling miserable. This mood swings is going out of hand. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions. Unfortunately, they're not all good.

I was blog-hopping. (Ok hold on a sec. Too many thoughts in my mind right now. This leading to that, and then it leading to another thing.) Ok, after reading some of them, I wish I was in their place. I wish I live where they live. I wish I was there, just let me be THERE. Well, I'm not explaining myself. It's hard. I don't know why I want to be in England so much. Bloody hell, it's so bad that I probably don't go a day without thinking of England. Must be because of all the novels that I read. I just feel that I could belong there. Not that I don't feel belonged in Singapore. I do. I love Singapore. OH! I got it! I know why I'm so into UK. It's probably because I want to experience something different, a different accent, a different weather, and all those stuff you can't find in Singapore. But then again, why UK right? Yup, it's the books that I read alright.

And then I think to myself, one day I WILL go to that place. To satisfy my craving and desires of UK. Meet a friend there. And of course to further my studies. Which leads me to another thing.

By furthering my studies, I'd have to work superly hard. I'd have to be strongly motivated. I'd have to be bloody confident in myself. By furthering my studies, it would mean that work and studies would be harder. I'd have to learn so many stuff and I could just imagine what I'd have to do. Will I have to do a research (trust me, research is fucking tedious)? Will I have to present whatever projects in front of a huge lecture theatre? Will I have friends? I should right, I mean being a nurse, and other students being nurses too, I wouldn't have to worry about cases of racism, right? Will I work well in their healthcare team? Will I achieve anything? And will I even get close to being a doctor, my dream ambition? It's a very very long journey. I'm scared I'd have to retire by the time I become a doctor! haha.

And then, somewhere around that paragraph above, my mind leads me to another thing. Am I really STAFF nurse material? I would graduate as a staff nurse. And from what I've seen during my clinical attachment, staff nurses are like leaders. They speak up, they have to know next to EVERYTHING about their patients. They have to think on their feet. They have to face the patients' family. They have to do lotsa stuff! I worry that I might not be leader material. I can't see myself having to teach juniors. I can't see myself having to face the family and explaining stuff to them. What I need is a super brain that can store loads of information and details and never ever forgets them. Like the guy who can remember every word of every book he reads and remembers every single tune he ever heard in his entire lifetime. And if I have a powerful memory, it could actually help me in all these, for example, I could straight away do what I have to do in an emergency (think on my feet).

Sometimes, I wish I wouldn't have to grow up. Sometimes, I wish I could pass up the independence, the being alone in the world, the having to stand on my own two feet and not rely on anyone anymore, namely my parents. It's a scary thought. What if I'm not ready to be 21? I don't FEEL ready. I feel like I still have a lot to learn (other than studies-wise) before growing old, even before reaching 21. Plus I also worry that I wouldn't get married. What if I'm going to be a bachelorette (the words spinster and old maid do not sound nice) forever?

And now, that I'm thinking about it (I don't know what 'it' is), I don't exactly have control over all these do I? I can't stop myself from growing older. And I can't predict the future. I don't know if I'll be an excellent nurse (or doctor), I don't know if I could find a husband. I'd have to leave it to God right? But of course, I'd have to try and persevere, work really hard and then see if it's meant to be. God's the one who writes our life plan right? He knows what's going to happen to us but He wants us to try. Only then can we back down and accept fate without regretting or feelings of disappointment and such, right? Cuz we know we've tried our best?

I don't know if what I've typed out above made sense. Am I the only soon-to-be 18 year old girl who thinks like this? Am I normal?

Haha.