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Friday, November 24, 2006 1:24 pm
My time to fly.
I've no school today cuz our lecturers have gone for a staff retreat. It was nice waking up late for once in a long long time, wrapped up in my comforter, to a cool morning.
My group (Jega, Tini, Vani, Aisyah) and I won free Golden Village movie tickets from our lecturer, Kylie! We did a good job for our presentation. Yay-ness!
Anyway, yesterday I had my Mandarin Assessment. We had to do a role play speaking entirely in Mandarin. I was partnered up with Rino. We finished our script in time, thank God. I sought help from Zhang Yang. I have to credit her. Hahah.
So I've practiced my lines quite a few times already. I tried to memorize them. I was able to but only for those easy ones. But I thought I could do alright. I have to. It's 30% of my grades. That's really heavy.
Class starts. There were 12 pairs. We're the 11th. As it got nearer to our turn, I suffered from tachycardia. I could feel blood rushing through my veins and I thought that people would be able to see my heart thudding. They wouldn't have to use the stethoscope to hear the sound of my heart beating and count the beats. My legs couldn't stop moving. I was shifting in my seat so often that people might think I've to go to the toilet. Which could be true cuz I did feel like I had to go to the toilet. I was so nervous that I was babbling to my partner and everything seemed so bright but I saw everything in a blur. Like it's going so fast. I have stage fright. Also these symptoms appear everytime I have to do something that's graded such as exams and oral exams.
My partner on the other hand didn't show a sign of nervousness.
Then it's our turn. Even though I FELT nervous, I didn't think I LOOKED nervous. At least not as nervous as I've described. So we went up and began. My mind almost went blank. During the role play, I could feel my legs shaking! I tried to stop it but couldn't. Besides I didn't have time to stop it cuz I had my lines to say. I was able to say the lines quite well. Most were fluent. Overall I thought it went ok. We made the class laugh at one part and had applause at the end. So I thought it went ok.
When I got back to my seat, you have NO idea how relieved I felt. My heart was still beating like I've just ran miles but it was starting to slow down. Then our teacher gave us her comments. Guess what she said about me? She said I could speak clearly and I acted and behaved naturally. I was damned happy!! In addition, I actually heard some agreements from others. I heard "Yea" and I saw some nodding of heads. SO HAPPY!! I hope I get great marks.
I'm so excited I feel like jumping up and down.
Damn. I love feeling happy. I wish I can thank Eleanor Roosevelt. Hahah. And my lecturer, Dr. Thomas Sim. He taught me that if I smile to myself, I'd feel better, I'd get happier and happier. But if I frown, then sad thoughts will come to mind and I'll get more and more unhappy.
And I think I should thank myself too. Cuz I made it damned clear to myself to stay positive. When I feel like I'm on the brink on the sadness side, I'd tell myself to smile and remember the quote. I'd tell myself that it does me no good to feel down. Besides, I want to look pretty. Frowning and feeling sad or behaving like an ogre won't make me look pretty. So, smile!

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