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A Note

I love flowers. I love spontaneity, and pleasant surprises. I'm dainty and ambitious; really. I nurse others. There's more than meets the eye when it comes to me.

 Yours Truly

N A D I A H
200788
ngee ann poly
school of health sciences
Children's Emergency, KKWCH

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007 10:43 pm
The Actor.



I went on an emotional roller coaster today. A huge one. Yesterday's was milder.

Yesterday, I saw this tall, cute, dark blonde Caucasian guy going down the stairs at the Atrium, along with an Asian girl. I became green-eyed. Hahah. So I kinda said out loud to Nisa and Tini "I'm SO jealous!". I must have said that a little bit too loud cuz the guy suddenly wrapped his left arm around the girl's waist. And laughing. MY GOD! I wanted to kick his butt.

I SO want a tall, handsome, short dark blonde hair that's so soft that warm pleasure would rush over me when I run my fingers through it, body to drool for, mesmerizing blue/green/brown of any shade eyes, nice knee-melting smile and a personality and status to boot. *Drops head into hands*. I can just KEEP ON DREAMING! I could be describing Prince William for all I know.

I just want to fall in love. I want someone to touch me deeply with something he does or say. Any simple, sweet gestures that makes me smile and makes my heart race and swell until I'm giddy.

Today, it started with dread. Then it turned into nervousness because I have a "Sign the Singapore Pledge test". Ivan will only choose 4 people but those who didn't get picked but still want to participate, may do so. Meaning, even if I don't get chosen, I'd still can choose to continue on and perform. But I really, REALLY want to get participate because I am one of the best (being picked), not because I can still choose to participate, to perform on National Day. I practiced and practiced everyday. Even when I was doing my business in the bathroom.

When I was in the train on the way to school, my heart started to beat faster and faster at each stop nearer to my destination. I almost couldn't sit still. I actually brought a hand to my chest in an attempt to calm my heart. Not that it worked. But an SMS got me distracted from my galloping heart. =) He said something. And it was sweet. That's what I meant when I say I wanna be touched. It's just words with no sweet-talking whatsoever.

Oh, be still my heart. Haha.

When I got to school, met the rest, and it was my turn to sign, I really expected someone to comment my trembling. My heart was really beating so hard and fast that if I didn't know better, I would have thought I'm having Ventricular Tachycardia, a heart problem. I thought my whole body was shaking with each thud. I was on the point of extreme nervousness. I guess it was super obvious cuz the rest were saying "Relax, relax!" and making me laugh and stuff. So I finally did it. I don't know how to say it in a more humble way, but I AWED them. They were impressed. Ivan was really impressed. Well, what can I say? It would kill me if after all the practice, I fail to do it well.

So obviously, extreme nervousness subsided to relief. I was like "Phew, phew!", pretending to wipe perspiration on my forehead with the back of my hands. Now, all I can do is wait for his message whether he'd choose me or not. If he doesn't, wah, extreme disappointment, man.

So after that we just sat and talked. It was nice. Even though it's only been like 3 official lessons and 2 extra meetings for this pledge signing thing, I'm starting to love HI Club already. The people in it are damn nice. The only regret I have is not joining it when I first stepped into Ngee Ann Poly. It's just too damn bad that I only have one semester with them. But Ivan said something sweet. Something like "I don't care, I'm going to teach you until Basic 2." Or was it Basic B? Whatever. I just hope he meant it. I'm definitely gonna miss everything and everyone I've ever known in Ngee Ann Poly.

Sigh.. Why does everything just seem nicer when it's near the end of something? Ok not everything. But the same thing happened when I was in secondary school. I only started to enjoy things during the last years of school. Only this poly life is much much better, much more enjoyable. Maybe it's because I'm older, more mature, more aware of everything than I was back then.

So back to the present. When we started to leave, this group of Malay guys sitting at the table behind me got cheeky on me. They started to smile and said 'bye' again and again and waving at me, trying to get my attention. I was like "What the bloody hell!!!" I wanted to run for my life but Jocelyn was walking so darn slowly and she was going my way also. So it wouldn't be nice if I just rush off leaving her behind, right? I was trying to ignore them into non-existence but I had to look back to see whether Jocelyn was catching up with me but she wasn't so I had to walk back and ask her to walk faster, making my ignoring the guys a lot harder. All the while the guys were looking at me, grinning and waving. I wanted to DIE! I was SO embarrassed! And I was disgusted to the CORE! EWWW! YUCK, YUCK, YUCK! Somehow, I was SO NOT flattered at the attention they were giving me. GROSS! Seriously!

Anyway, trying to recover from the trauma, I thought back on the recent memories of ace-ing the pledge and impressing the VP. It worked. But my mood blackened because of my mother. I shan't say much about it.

But it was short-lived cuz Ais messaged me about me being sick and stuff. Haha! Thanks ah! But I made a quick recovery. My fighting cells - pretty good stuff. Hahah. And what a coincidence that I saw her in the train with me. She was with her boyfriend. I saw him first and moved a little since I KNOW Ais would be there too. I think I looked like a goldfish out of water when I saw them. Hahah. Tried to get Ais's attention but in vain. So I phoned her cell. Hahah. And she saw me. Hahaha.

Got home, watched Heroes. Good show, it is.