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Saturday, August 30, 2008 4:46 am
Working life.
The glare from the computer screen is the only light that's helping me see the letters on the keyboard. So don't mind me if you see lots of spelling mistakes. Of course, being me, I'll probably edit the entry if there are any mistakes. That's because grammatical, vocabulary, spelling mistakes are one of my pet peeves. I can't stand it when English are not written correctly. I'm not saying that my English is perfect, but those obvious errors make me cringe. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about English. I'm here to rant.
Currently, I'm utterly dissatisfied with my life. If I were to take the short quiz on How Happy Are You?, like the one Oprah took with her audience, I'd fail miserably. Work hasn't been really good. And this time, I'm not exactly talking about the patients. Working life is so full of politics. And I've been misunderstood and lectured that I'm actually shocked. Can you imagine, you've always thought of yourself as very helpful. You'd do anything that's being asked of you. The right stuff, anyway. You're the kind that has difficulty saying no when someone's in need of help. But someone comes along and says you're lazing around. It's like a slap in the face! It ruined the rest of my day. And when you found out that people has been talking about you behind your back. I would say it hurts. Now I can understand how some of my colleagues feel.
I think my problem is that I've low self esteem. My confidence level is not very high and it seems to be dropping. So people would say, build up your confidence. Be confident. But how the hell do I do it?
Well, basically, right now, I feel so shitty. Today, for the first time, I broke down because of work. I feel like the world's against me. People hate me. And I'm starting to hate people too. At this point in my life, I feel like such a fake. I'm faking my smile, I'm faking the friendly tone in my voice. It's a good thing I'm wearing a mask. A wall's building up and I don't know if anybody can knock it down.
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