Dirty Little Secret.

Bye.

2009-01-06T22:10:00.004+08:00

I really need a 1000 piece Jigsaw puzzle. Anyway, I'm outta here. One word, moving.

I'm distracted.

2009-01-06T13:03:00.002+08:00

I wasn't myself starting last Saturday. I came to work and told Fiza to make plans with the rest for a crazy night. I needed to dance my troubles and stress away.

On Sunday, I went out with one of my closest cousins, Liyana. We went to Marina Square, a place that holds dear to my heart, to catch the movie, The Duchess. It's a good movie. We talked and talked about stuff. Surprisingly, our troubles were of the similar nature. Had a good time with her.

Yesterday was actually supposed to be a day out with Jaime. But she didn't feel like going out at the last minute so instead she invited me over to her place. So yup, I spent the whole day at her place. We talked about the things that make us think too much, that drove us nuts and brought tears to the eyes. I saw her shoe collection, her wardrobe, her bags and ended up bringing home two pairs of footwear, two kinds of bags and quite a number of tops and a dress. Hahah. Ate dinner and sat at this 'park' near her house and talked some more. Went back up to her house and finished up a 200-piece Jigsaw puzzle. Which gave me another idea of another distraction!

I'm going to go buy a 500-1000 piece Jigsaw puzzle!

Distractions.

2009-01-04T23:11:00.002+08:00

Distractions, I welcome you with open arms.

That includes asking people out and people asking me out. I've asked people out and people have asked me out too. Good work! Continue doing that, please. I don't want to think.

I've borrowed a book from the library so reading in the public transport is great distraction from thinking.

When my eyes are tired from reading, my MP3 is forever with me so I can distract myself with the great songs so that I have difficulty thinking.

I've signed up for sign language classes so there'll be classes and practicing and studying for tests to do. Good way to distract myself from thinking.

And of course, there's work. Running here and there with loads of things to do cramped in my head. Plus money coming into my bank account which allows me to shop. Perfect distraction to avoid thinking.

I need more distractions. Think people, think of ways that I can do so that I will not think! I will be utterly grateful.

The List.

2009-01-03T22:09:00.003+08:00

Remember I made a list of 10 things I want to do before I turn 25? I am definitely working on it. Let me refresh you on what is on my list.

1. Travel to a foreign country by myself.

2. Learn to cook five(5) impressive three-course meal.

3. Spend all of a month salary in one day after passing the S$10, 000 mark.

4. Learn horse-riding.

5. Stay in England for at least 2 weeks and try to get as much out of it as I can.

6. Go to a concert.

7. Wade along the seaside and watch a sunset.

8. Improve my sign-language skills by attending classes held by SADEAF.

9. Go to a play/musical alone and dine unaccompanied in a nice restaurant.

10. Make friends with someone born and bred in another country, and keep in touch.

I've touched a little bit on point number 2. I've prepared a 4-course meal. The appetizer was Garlic Bread, the main course was Chicken with Lime Butter, the salad course was Creamy Lime Potato Salad, and the dessert was Strawberry & Banana Smoothie. And I did it all by MYSELF! I remembered how flustered I was while cooking and preparing the meal but I was damned determined. When my family tasted it, well, let's just say they didn't die of poisoning but they didn't tell me to open a restaurant either. The garlic bread was good, the chicken also good but the sauce needed improvement, the potato salad was probably the best dish and the smoothie, I forgot to put in the honey so it tasted a little bit not sweet. But hey, it's healthy! Hahaha. I shall prepare another 'insert-number-here'-course meal sometime this year, probably during one of my long annual leave days.

About point number 3, I changed the mark to S$15, 000 but I think I still won't spend all of a month's salary even after reaching that mark. I'll wait until I'm just reaching 25 years old. Hmm.. does that mean I'll only be going overseas when I'm only just reaching 25? The horror! That won't do. I'll think of something.

Point number 7. That's a dilemma. I saw the sunset. Twice. Like really, actually went somewhere just to see the sunset. Maybe once was accidental but the other one was on purpose. So.. I did see the sunset. But I put sunset and seaside in the same sentence. Again, I did see the sunset, only it wasn't at the beach. So if you look again at point number 7, does it look like two points, i.e. seaside AND sunset or does it look like it's together, i.e. sunset AT the seaside? See my dilemma? But hey, I've still got a few years left, I'm sure I can catch a sunset at the seaside before I reach 25.

And finally, point number 8. I have just filled up a form and wrote in a cheque to sign up for sign language lessons! I'm going to mail it tomorrow. I'm pleased that my mother approve of this. =)

Oh yes. Point number 10. I do have a friend of 4 years plus who's born and bred in England. I would say that I do keep in touch with him because should I ever.. no, WHEN I visit England, I'm going to call him up.

Ok. On to another topic. Check out createtalents.com. Representatives of that company actually approached me while I was on my way to work. Twice within two months I think! What a boost of confidence that was. Hahaha. But, like, seriously? I don't have the boobs for it.

Alright. Enough updates for now. I need to shit!

Before that, I just want to let everyone know, I'm making an effort on almost every aspect of my life. Hopefully, I'll be rewarded.

Dejected.

2009-01-01T10:15:00.001+08:00

I want to be happy.

To Aisyah.

2008-12-31T16:05:00.003+08:00

I know we planned to go to Genting. I left my leave open until the very last minute where I think we couldn't get a ticket or a hotel room that would suit the dates we're going. But in the end, because Nisa couldn't get the off days, it got cancelled. So don't tell me I used that particular annual leave to do something else on my own. It was made especially for that trip with you guys. Since the trip got cancelled, I was open to any other plans. It's just that the 'date' plan came before whatever other plans you had in store when the trip got cancelled.

And the going out with other friends at clarke quay till late? When was that? I'm pretty sure that was way before that particular leave. And the overnight at the hotel, that was last minute too. There was no Genting trip plus there were no plans on that day. The next day, there's this thing about you driving and Tini asking me out with you guys. After initially refusing to go, and then telling Tini that when my sister comes home, I can go, I actually got dressed and waited for you to tell me you've dropped by and will come pick me up but I don't know what happened and I didn't hear a word.

And the calling up to meet up and all that? I don't do that because it's always when one person doesn't come or is not able to come, the rest will make excuses. From my experience, whatever I plan to do will always get turned down so why should I ask when it'll never be accepted? In the end, you three will make a new plan and I'm just there to accept or refuse to go.

You know what? If I'm still in the wrong, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to you, Tini and Nisa if I've ever offended you guys, put someone else before you guys or whatever. I'm sorry if I've been such an insecure bitch.

Thanks for the invitation anyway. Even though I said I don't know why I got invited in the first place, or whatever it is that I thought, I appreciate the invitation.

Thanks a lot.

2008-12-29T21:53:00.003+08:00

I'm having the worst leave ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.

I'm having the sniffles, my stuff haven't arrive yet, and i'm having such a heartache over him.

The worse thing is, there's no 4 of us or 4 girls anymore it seems. Now that I think about it, I wonder how I got invited to the FOB concert in the first place. I'm not in their gang anymore what right.

Damage case.

2008-12-28T14:36:00.002+08:00

We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to ourselves. To other people. The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we have done. Or that's been done to us. Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes we think we can fix the damage.

And sometimes, the damage is something we can't even see...

We're all damaged, it seems. Some of us, more than others. We carry the damage with us from childhood. Then, as grown-ups, we give as good as we get. Ultimately, we all do damage.

And then... we set about the business of fixing... whatever we can.

Always be my Baby.

2008-12-24T12:29:00.008+08:00

I feel like blogging and dusting off the dirt that has settled here since the last time I came to update, but I don't know what to talk about.

Shall I talk about work? Work has been alright. CE is under renovation so it's been really cramped. I've been turning and doing pirouttes as if the only way to move around is by dancing. There are hardly any space to walk. You could easily bump into anyone with every three steps.

Also, they've rearranged things in CE. It's like suddenly, hey where's Obs 1 and hey where's the medicine trolley? Or where do I do FBC? The worst thing about the rearranging is the nurses' counter. They put it right in front of the red door where everyone outside can see you.

We have the computer on the desk where we can see the queue so when a parent comes in to ask when it would be their turn or how long would it be before their turn, we'd have to look at the computer and the parents also can see the screen. Before long, they just come in and look at the screen to see where they are on the queue without asking. It's SOOOOO ANNOYING!! No privacy at all because they can see the names and the complaint of other patients. They are actually NOT allowed to look at our computers! I got so pissed off that whenever that happens I'll stare at them and say 'Yes?'. Good thing I can wear a mask otherwise they can see I'm snarling. Or when I feel a presence behind me, and that person is not asking for any help but is obviously trying to look at the screen, I purposely minimize the window and walk away. One time this parent actually lingered at the doorway like he's the guard of the door trying to look at the screen every 5-10 minutes.

ARGH!!

Shall I talk about that someone new in my life? Well, I like him a lot! I miss him every time I don't see him and I'm excited and happy whenever I do see him. Every time I see or hear a sports bike it reminds me of him. Every time I see a guy in uniform, I wonder how he looks like in his own uniform. I long for the day that I'd see him in the No. 1 uniform. God knows how I love men in uniform.

The No. 1 uniform looks something like this, only his is red stripes. I think.

Imagine that on this:

With this:

Whoo! Haha.

But besides that, he's nice. He makes me laugh. He loves his family. He loves kids. He makes me happy. He's a good guy.

I'm his secret admirer. I'm talking about the boy on the left. Haha.

Save me.

2008-12-11T12:56:00.000+08:00

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.

Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that it's happy right now.

See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

Time.

2008-12-01T15:07:00.009+08:00

If I could change jobs for a day (or 10 years), I would like to be a paleontologist or an archeologist. I want to dig the earth with a spoon and dust the bones with the smallest paintbrush. I want to discover the skull of prehistoric animals. I want to come upon a tomb of someone popular that lived way, way, WAY before my grandfather was born. I want to dwell on the mysteries of T-rex and Tutankhamen. I want to unearth what 70 million years could not hide.

Wouldn't that be interesting?

It wasn't long ago that all my friends and I would talk about was the new guy they met and where they go on dates or what movies they watch during dates. Now, most of what I'm hearing is how long they've been together and what colour theme their wedding is going to be.

Time is changing. I'm growing older. The time will come when I'll be hearing about which school their children will be going to or what career their children are going into.

Anyway.

I spent 15 hours straight with him yesterday. After my night shift, he came to fetch me at 0730 hours. I bought a Mocha Frap first thing. Amazing thing, coffee. Relaxed at Starbucks. Super comfy chairs. Comfortable chat. Then we caught "Quarantine" at Century Square. The theatre was practically empty. I like. Headed to Orchard Cineleisure and got a Movie Chamber at E2Max. I introduced the movie "The Kite Runner" to him. It became one of his favourites. His kind of movie, I guess. He told me he likes me. After that we headed to Borders, sat on the floor, and I tried to make him read. Haha. We ended up reading books on horoscopes and zodiac signs, stuff like that. Went to eat a late dinner at Downtown East. I felt the journey from Orchard to Downtown was so long and he rode very fast. When we reached he asked if I fell asleep because he felt my helmet resting on his back. I can't remember. All I know was that I closed my eyes most of the way to DE. Hahah. Ate and he sent me home.

I've been hanging out a lot with him. So far I'm enjoying my time with him. I like the conversations we had. I like when he teases me, then I get to hit him. Playfully of course. Haha.

I think I like him too. When I'm at home and I hear the bike sound, I keep thinking that could be him. And I'll be like why would he be here? Haha.

To his younger sister, if she's reading this, I'm sorry I didn't mention you in my previous entry. Haha. I am now. Thanks for helping your brother get to know me.

He brought me to Kent Ridge park to see the sunset. I love the tree.

I like silhouettes. Those two human forms, that's not us. Haha.

Awwww.. sunsets. So romantic right, Ryan? Hahaha.

I'm Dating.

2008-11-21T20:48:00.005+08:00

So. I met someone new. The first time we met, we took the Flyer after catching a movie. And then we had some leg exercise walking around looking for something that could meet our appetite. We finally settled on Sakura.

The Flyer was beautiful! The view from the top was breath-taking. I didn't get to see the sunset though but the lights from the buildings and roads were pretty enough.

That road bridge over there, that's my favourite road to travel on cuz I get to see the Flyer. Huge wheel.

That's one of the Flyer's capsule. The bright lights on the left corner, that's where they're building the future Las Vegas, Singapore Version.
That's the Marina Barrage.

I wanted to take taxi home after that but he said his mom adviced him to see me home. Very sweet of her. Speaking about her, his family sounds very nice. I like hearing him telling me about his family. His elder sister is a nurse, too.

The next day was the day that I had to start work. I was on afternoon shift and since he was off on that day, he picked me up from work and sent me home, on this!

And I got to use the helmet that only showed off my eyes. Haha. The first time was exciting and scary. But I enjoyed the wind. He rode so fast that if I hadn't held on tight, I'd fly off and most probably die.

Yesterday after our work, he brought me to Marina Barrage, where they had this huge circular bridge that overlooks the dam, the sea with cargo ships, the buildings. When we walked up the slope, there was a point where all I could see was grassy hilltop and the sky. It felt like I was walking up a hill and be on top of the world! It reminded me of places like Switzerland and other country places where you can stand on top of the hill and almost touch the sky. When you look down you can see little villages and animals and plantations.

Anyway, we sat and talked and laughed, bla, bla, bla. We were facing the sea, see. Suddenly he told me to turn around and I saw the sunset! The orange sun looked so big then. The throw of colours it made against the sky was awesome. I wanted to take a picture with my phone but by the time I got ready, the sun had almost disappeared below the horizon. All I had was this:

After that, we went to Vivo City to eat. I fed him well. Haha. That was the moment that I got to know a little about his dad. From how he talked about him, his dad is funny. Hahah.

After eating, he brought me to Mount Faber. But we only rode past. Pretty place. I think I just like being so high from the ground. And then home sweet home.

Each day I got home smiling.

Gotta Be Somebody.

2008-11-12T19:59:00.006+08:00

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up till the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that

Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like deja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Lailee's Wedding.

2008-11-08T20:40:00.003+08:00

I never realized that weddings could make me cry. I've never cried at weddings before. Maybe because most of the weddings I attended was when I was really young and I have no idea how the brides and grooms are related to me. Or I didn't come early enough or stay long enough to soak up the emotional atmosphere. Like Lia's wedding.

But I guess I'm growing up. I attended Lailee's wedding today with several of my other colleagues. Oh! And I saw Dr. CK Wong and Dr. TC Tay. How sweet of them to come. Anyway, Lailee looked really pretty just now. Gorgeous and stunning. The part where her husband sang to her was utterly sweet. You can't really keep your eyes off Lailee during that part. She was smiling widely and her eyes lit up. It was evident that she's really, really happy. I was so touched that I teared up a little.

Oops. Sorry. Can't help but be an 'S' and talk about feelings. *Rolls eyes*

I wish I can experience this kind of happiness.

Anyway. I need to learn to be more of an 'I'.

Love/Addiction.

2008-11-02T21:42:00.005+08:00

In the hospital, we see addiction every day. It's shocking, how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it was just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life, at some point cross the line to obsessive. Compulsive. Out of control. It's the high we're chasing. The high that makes everything else... fade away.

The thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high... stops feeling good, and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when you're there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting it go hurts even worse.

Fate?

2008-10-22T20:55:00.004+08:00

I was too light.

But for what is worth, I made a new friend, PTE Bryan Choo. =)

MY FAVOURITE AMBULANCE!

I'm a grandmother!

2008-10-18T19:19:00.004+08:00

I haven't told you about my babies! They're all grown up and already made love and gave birth to 6 cute little babies. Well, at first, they weren't cute. They were tiny pink hairless weird looking things. But by the third week, they've opened their eyes and their fur has grown! Adorable little things, I tell you!

I couldn't wait to touch them. I was almost sad that I had difficulty catching them with their parents around biting off at my fingers. But one day, in the middle of the night, I woke up, and was finally able to hold one of them in my hands! Why such weird timing? We had 6 babies, see. But one day, one of them disappeared. One night, my sisters woke me up in a hoo-haa saying they found the lost baby. Their pathetic efforts of catching it drove me out of bed to rescue it personally. And I did! But it was really in the middle of the night and I was sleepy. So I just put it back to it's home and went back to sleep. Hahah.

Anyway, we gave away 3 of them to my cousins. But guess what? It hasn't been five weeks since the 6 of them were born when just yesterday, the parents gave birth to another 5! But today one of them died. I really wanted to feel some pity. I did. A little. But it was hard because a few days old hamster babies are really not that cute. The first time I saw them, I thought they were worms! But they become really cute little furballs by the time they reach 3 weeks.

Disobey, and you die.

2008-10-14T23:45:00.006+08:00

Went to Marina Square today with Jaime after work.

Have I told you how much I like that area? It's near Esplanade and The Fullerton Hotel and the Singapore Flyer and nice shops. Mostly I like the view.

Got our nails done! Mani for me, pedi for her.

Went to sit by the bay.

Lights up!

That's her.

After that we ate dinner at Secret Recipe, same outlet as the other time I went with my Millennia friends. Same waiter la sia! I know he recognized me. But I don't care.

Jaime, I don't flirt and you are a Chinese.

And I kinda like my phone =)

Melancholy.

2008-10-13T21:49:00.006+08:00

Today I saw a case that is truly and utterly disturbing to me, and it freaked me out. Still does.

I saw a worm! It was long and thin and pink. I didn't look too closely or long enough to see whether it was alive because I'd faint and die or just have a nightmare should I see it wriggling about. It was on a tissue paper in one of the consultation rooms. One of the patients were said to have shit-ted that out. OMG! During my lunch, Kak Jah brought that case up. And I swear I'd lose my appetite, only I was pretty hungry. But it got worse when Michelle asked what colour it was and Kak Jah said it looked like the colour of my sausage! Dear God! It got even worse than that when Huda said "Eee, maggots!". I was eating rice, see. I've a phobia of worms. A phobia so bad that I could end up in a mental hospital and never be cured.

After work, met up with Jaime at Tampines Mall and caught the movie Eagle Eye! It was pretty awesome, I say! I love it. And I admire Shia Labeouf greatly. From acting in a comedy in a children/youth show, he went to become quite a great star after acting in Hollywood films like "Transformers" and now, "Eagle Eye". And I loved both! I never thought I'd like action movies, but those two named movies were absolutely awesome. I just didn't like the ending in Eagle Eye where Rachel kissed Shia. Isn't she way older than him?

Pretty good-looking, no? He's really cute in Eagle Eye.

After that, we went to eat our late dinner. And spent a lot of the time before our last bite and sip of our drinks talking. When she talked about Leslie (however you spell it), it reminded me of someone I know.

The first five or six times we spent together was some of the best time of my life. I could swear I was in love, or maybe just really, really liked him. He treated me well and I felt special. I felt taken care of. But I was also able to understand when Jaime mentioned some of her doubts about Leslie that maybe Leslie treats all girls like that. That was what I thought of him too. But, I don't know, most of the time when I was with him, I couldn't be happier. Sometimes I even let myself think that maybe he liked me back. But that all ended on the sixth(?) 'date'.

That day we flew kites. That day we sat on a bench along some river/lake/sea and talked and I cried in front of him. He got me blind-folded and brought me to a place where we could stand back and observe the sky-high lighted concrete and glass buildings against the night sky. That evening after dinner, we walked along a river, sat down and talked somemore. That evening he made me laugh. That evening he casually measured the length of my fingers against his. That night I thought he caught my heart. And that night was also when he fought with his then girlfriend. He got upset and all quiet after that. I only tapped his shoulder that was nearest to me to comfort him, when what I really wanted to do was give him a hug. That night I went home knowing it'll never be what it was like before. That night, and one or two days after, I cried until my eyes got puffy.

It took me some time to get over it. We still, well, used to, talk and message and go out. And all those time that we talked and messaged and went out (after the incident) the feelings I had for him was still there, niggling at the back of my head. But it was like a candle whose wick is getting short. It struggles to keep lighted, keep alive but in the end it just dies. And for me it's only the memory of the fun and happy and special times that sometimes makes it hard for me to get over him or forget him.

But of course, now I really, really have to shake it off cuz he now has a new girlfriend.

Hmm.. that was detailed. But who really cares if he finds out I'm talking about him right? We hardly contact each other anymore now that he's newly attached anyway.

Love will come through.

2008-10-10T17:16:00.003+08:00

I think I slept for only about 2 hours last night, before I had to wake up at 4.30 in the morning for work. I could NOT sleep! And even when I finally knocked off, I felt like I was still awake. I was hardly in deep slumber. But somehow I got up bright and wide-eyed. I was even able to read my book in the train.

Work has been alright. For the past two or three days I felt pretty good with my patients. I hope this thing that's happening is not seasonal. I wanna be able to go for the extra mile for my patients constantly. Ok.. maybe for the time being let me just make sure they're pleased with my services.

I was in Obs 2 for many days already. Too much respi bugs and puffs and gases that my throat has started to itch. First few days of my Obs 2 streak, I almost wanted to cry when patients keep coming in. There were so many of them, so many things to do that I think I looked pretty harried. My desk was a perpetual mess. I talked like I was in a rush.

But after the third day or so of my Obs 2 streak, forever having to look upon the face of Dr. Benny Loo, I began to get used to having my room flooded with patients. With so many days of having children screaming and crying in my room, I'm beginning to talk much louder to my patients. Not in the rude way, just in a volume level whereby they didn't have to say 'Huh?' or 'Sorry?' or 'What?' anymore. Cuz you all know, I'm pretty soft.

Dr. Loo said I was going to blog how I hate him for bringing in so many patients. He even tried to mimick my voice! Even if I want to not like you, I find I can't. Believe me. Besides, I don't really dislike anyone. The feeling pass once work has ended. We are all doing our jobs anyway.

T-Shirt.

2008-10-07T15:46:00.001+08:00

Parking.

2008-10-06T21:10:00.004+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oops, almost fell off my chair.

I'm watching My Wife and Kids, after watching Friends. I'm in good health.

Anyway, you all know I just graduated from driving school not too long ago. Plus I haven't had that many chance to drive since my dad uses the car most of the time. So that also means I haven't had that many opportunities to practice my parking. I can count the number of times I had to park the car with my hands. One hand. And only once I was able to do it without any help, and I did it perfectly. I was actually amazed at myself. I think I know how to park when the parking lot is on my right side. I'm still unable to park the car that well when the lot is on my left side.

The last time I had to park the car was about a week ago, Hari Raya. I was in the multi-storey carpark. Found a lot and had to reverse into the vertical parking lot sandwiched between a wall and a car, the lot being on my left side. Gosh! I can NEVER park the car! I had to do several attempts and I would have done more and never get in, if a stranger hadn't stood behind my car and called out instructions. And that was exactly what happened. This man was at his car taking something out from it and apparently saw my pathetic attempts at parking. My dad was next to me on the passenger side trying to help me, and my mum got out of the car so she can look for me if I was gonna hit the car or the wall. So that man came and gave me a helping hand.

"Reverse, reverse, reverse! Turn now! Some more, some more, some more. OK, stop, you see you're too near? Ok move forward a little. Straight. OK, reverse! Reverse, reverse.. straighten now! Now just reverse straight back. Alright! Practice more, yea?" he called out.

My mom and my 3 sisters at the back seat were already laughing at me. God! I got even more embarrassed when another guy, the owner of the car, that I had to park my car next to, appeared. I have no idea how long he was already there, watching a stranger calling out help lines to me. Was he relieved that I didn't dent or scratch his car? Maybe.

Anyway, I didn't get the chance to call out my thanks to the stranger. He already left while I wallow for a while in my embarrassing moment.

I HAVE TO WATCH EAGLE EYE.

Out with Jaime.

2008-09-30T22:58:00.002+08:00

I suffered from a huge disappointment yesterday. I will forever have that depressing, sunken feeling as long as I don't have Samsung Omnia in my hands that I can claim my own.

Today marks the last day of the fasting month. Selamat Hari Raya to you all out there.

I spent today going for an IV course. After that I used up an hour reading my borrowed book (Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas by James Patterson. It's supposed to be a very good book, very moving, that makes you cry and cry.) while waiting for Jaime. She's two or three years my senior, not that she looks old at all. We headed to Bugis for some shopping. I must say I was suprised when she asked me out cuz we hardly talked at work.

I can't say enough about the saying "Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover". If I hadn't agreed to go out with Jaime today, I wouldn't have actually known her at all. What I see of her might probably remain forever as someone who's the life of the party, who's loud and popular, really confident, who has a lot of things going on in her life, a total opposite of me, if I hadn't gone out with her today.

I'm not saying that she's not all of those thing I've just described. But I guess I found out more about her, probably the real her when we talked. She's really down to earth, smart, funny, and really like a... real person, you know what I mean? There's something.. solid about her personality now that I've got to know her a little. Otherwise, she'll be like.. I don't know.. air? something you can't grab hold of?

Anyway, I found out we have some similarities. Besides the physical similarities of being underweight, having really tiny waists and wrists, and short bob hairstyle, we both tend to be the quiet ones when in a big group of people, especially when there are people more outspoken and more dominating in the group. We like guys of a different race from us. And we like to buy things that are cheap but doesn't look cheap.

Even so, our brassiere sizes are different. Hahah. She knows how to be confident and is able to talk and make herself seem sociable even when there are many people around. I don't. I'm still pretty quiet unless being spoken or talked to and my confidence level is still shaky. Our fashion style differs quite a bit, though I do really like her fashion sense. She knows how to put together a great outfit. Even if it's rare, she has the confidence to wear it. Like, you know, some people might wear something that could look nice, but if the person is not confident in what she's wearing, she won't look good.

I truly enjoyed myself today.

An Experience.

2008-09-28T20:01:00.004+08:00

I feel like shopping. But all I do is work and go home, work and go home. I can't even think of going shopping after work when all I can think of is "I have work tomorrow". Which just leads to a sinking and exhausting feeling.

For a couple of weeks already, every day as I go to work, I pass by Dorothy Perkins and there, on this headless mannequin, is a very nice plaid shirt and a thick belt wrapped around the waist. How I've always thought of just stepping into the shop and take a closer look at that top. But I hardly ever do a detour just before going to work, even if I'm early.

I wanna order some things from Forever21.com. Anyone wants something from there too? Save some from the shipping costs?

Anyway, I realized working in a place full of children does things to you and your uniform. Since I've worked in CE, I've had drool, vomit, medicine, snot, blood, and tears on my face, uniform, and shoes. I've even got one or ten pairs of footprints on the pants of my uniform when the kids kick and scream while I prick their fingers and squeeze several drops of their blood into a tiny tube. Good thing the one time I was holding a child of a few months old down to help with the suctioning, he wasn't wearing shoes. Or else I would have black prints on my chest too. Though, of course, I did suffer some discomfort from my boobs being kicked by his tiny feet.

And recently, I had to assist in feeding this small kid activated charcoal because he ingested iodine. Charcoal is black. And it's in liquid form. I prepared myself by wearing an apron and gloves. After a couple of feeding the sooty liquid to the struggling and crying boy, I realized what I donned on to protect myself was utterly useless. He finally erupted and dark vomit that consisted of some semi-solid curd-like stuff rained down onto my pants and my shoes and seeped in, warming my toes. EWW! Squish, squish I go as I staggered to the toilet and get as much vomit off from me as possible. When I was done, I was soaked from my shins down.

Alright, babes and dudes. I'm outta here to go iron my uniform.

Emergency Rooms.

2008-09-17T03:19:00.004+08:00

From this:

To what you see above. It got photoshopped. I don't know if I spoiled the picture by adding the fake colourful flowers, but who really cares? I like the hanging moss/ferns/vines thingies on the brick background though.

On to another topic, being a nurse is hard. It's really, really difficult. Especially when you work in ERs. I don't know about other countries, but in Singapore, people of all ages, suffering from all kinds of illness (from slight fever of one day to breathing difficulty to fatal road traffic accidents) WILL, and I repeat, WILL, at some point in their lives, visit the ERs. And when I say ER, I mean Emergency Room. It is meant for EMERGENCIES, life threatening, fatal cases that needs prompt treatment. If you have major injuries and medical problems that would lead you to a grave, by all means, we welcome you to the ER.

Those with cough of one day, fever of two days, abdominal pain for less than a day can easily be treated in GPs or polyclinics. There are plenty around in Singapore. But no. Most of the cases we see in the ER are these people.

And if you don't know how the workflow is like in the ERs, please, cease your complaining. In the ERs, we attend to the cases that are more urgent, more critical first. That means, should a 10-year-old boy be rushed in by an ambulance, sustaining a major head injury and several fatal fractures in the body 1 HOUR or 2 HOURS after YOU came, and you're still waiting to see the doctor, we will see to the boy first. Thus, you have to wait longer.

So with all these non-emergency cases constantly coming in, when there's an emergency, or at least a more serious case, you non-emergency cases (Cat 3) are pushed back. Although there are doctors meant to see these Cat 3 cases, some or all of them might have to do procedures on their patients, or they might need to review their other patients, or wait for the senior doctor to discuss the cases with. Can you see how the waiting time gets longer? You might as well go to GPs and polyclinics and wait for the same time cheaper.

Of course, I won't mind if these non-emergency cases comes in. Just as long as they don't come up to our nurses' station and give us a verbal abuse, I'm fine. We're fine. But that hardly ever happens. Never a day where there's more than 20 people on the queue to see a doctor goes by that we wouldn't suffer from some kind of verbal abuse. And you can't even imagine the sort of abuse we get. One of the patients actually said "F*** you" or "You're stupid" to colleagues of mine. And from what I read in the newspapers, some patients even threatened the nurses saying "Watch out if I see you outside".

They come in with their black faces and demand to know when they'll be attended to. When we explain to them the reasons why the waiting time is so long or tell them how many more patients to go before their turn, they give this "TSK!" noises and a huge frustrated sigh and shoot daggers and knives at us with their eyes and mouth.

Sometimes they come in again and ask again. When they're not happy with our reply, they'll say "I WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR NOW!". Like what in the world can WE do? It's the doctors that are seeing the patients. They're the ones calling the patients. We don't have much power to force the doctors to see you right away unless your child/relative takes a turn for the worse. Why don't you just barge into the doctors' room yourselves?

Of course, we try as much as we can to calm you down, communicate with you with the best possible service that we have. Give you the service from the heart. There was actually a course "Service from the Heart" for us. Frankly, most of us find it B*******. Most of the things we learn there is not really in the context of the ERs. So anyway, what we learned, is mostly to apologize first. Which sucked because we're not doing anything wrong. But we say it anyway, to show how humble we are, hoping you'll calm down. But no. Some would reply "Sorry, sorry for what?! Sorry can't do anything for me!" And then we tell them all the reasons we can possibly find with as much sugar-coated voice as we can possibly do without cringing and try our hardest not to yell at them when they demand and scream at us again and again.

Sure, maybe some of you reading this think that maybe we should use a stern voice and clean words that would eventually, to them sound like bad words. Put them in their place. Don't let them walk all over us. Like what you see on TV. TV sure can be rubbish sometimes. I don't want to get sacked, nor do I want to get a bruised eye or a broken nose should I accidentally provoke them with my tone of voice and reasonable reasons.

I'm just saying that angry patients/parents have selective hearing. They don't want to listen and take in the fact.

After all the commotion, they'll stomp out and continue waiting with burning hearts. When the doctors finally call them in, that's when most of us nurses hate it. Not because we're afraid they might yell at the doctors too, more of the opposite. Most patients will sit there, smiling sweetly, listening attentively, talking politely and say how professional they are, how competent they are. AGH!!! Just because we're nurses that help clean up your butt and serve you medications and give you the treatments and education you deserve and get pathetic salaries, you think you can give us an attitude? Like Jaime said, nurses are doctors at heart (after several years of experience of course), we just don't have the certificate. The worst thing is that it's not our fault! Maybe it's not the doctor's fault either. It could be your own fault because you come in to the ER when you don't have an E anywhere on you and build up the waiting time.

I like taking care of people, see them get the treatment they need to get better. But I hate how sometimes the 'slave' is more than the 'nurse'.

Dr. Benny Loo.

2008-09-13T20:31:00.004+08:00

Things are looking up at work, I suppose. Lailee and Fiza have been great with assuring me and all that. I mean, seriously. It got so bad that I had nightmares almost every night.

Well, I don't really have much to talk about. Just that I found out that nurses have been reading my blog and Dr. Benny Loo happened to see it too. I totally didn't think they'd read my past entries. Now he knows that I'd mentioned him in my blog. Plus he saw two other doctors' names. Who would have thought Dr. Chew Weida was his classmate? Oh my GOD! Now my mind is running through the lines of previous entries, trying hard to remember what I wrote long, long time ago. Anyway, I'm not sure if Dr. Benny really read through the entries about him and the other doctors, or if he just glimpsed the names. Wah.. embarrassing.

So that was how one morning came, Dr. Benny arrived at work and almost yelled "Nadiah!". Just hearing my name alone gave me a shock because it was unexpected that he knows my name and is able to match the name to a face. Because, those people who know me, I'm pretty quiet. I'm mostly in the background. He continued with, "I didn't know you write so well. I saw your blog." I think I got scared and kinda stood still for a while, trying to recall my words. Hahaha. Hmm.. I didn't say anything about the doctors being cute, did I? So for three days straight after that, he reminded me to write on my blog. Not about what I'm doing or what's been going on in my life, know. He hinted at me to write how jinxed and fed up he is. Hahaha.

So, here I am. Well.. he really is jinxed. Whenever he is the resus doctor, resus cases keeps coming in. So besides the usual crowd of patients, he also has to run out in the middle of consultations to attend to a resus. And I guess he was really busy that he told me to write in my blog that he's "fed up". Hahah. I don't know if I'm making him more jinxed, but twice when I tried to give him a '9' case, not half an hour later, resus was called for.

The first time I tried to give him, early in the morning, when there's hardly any patients, even though he was resus doctor. He said "But I'm resus leh." Usually I try not to give resus doctors '9' cases but my seniors say if there's no other doctors, and there's no resus, you can give to a resus doctor. So anyway, I said "But now no resus." But in the end, I gave the '9' case to another doctor. At least he said it nicely and jokingly kind of way. Wah.. I don't think 30 minutes even passed when they called for a resus, and he had to hurry out. Good thing I didn't give him the '9' case, right?

Today, he was again the resus doctor. It was still early in the morning, 8am I think. There should be at least 2 morning doctors, Dr. Benny was one. The other one was late. So a '9' case came at about 8am. There was no one else to give the '9' case to so I had to give it to Dr. Benny la. He was like "No choice, right?" Haha. This time, not 5 minutes later, there was a resus. He hardly got a chance to ask a question to the '9' case patient, when he had to run for resus. And I felt so guilty la. Hahaha. Funny sia. He looked amused when he rushed to the resus room. You know the kind when you laugh in short gasps when you realize how jinxed you are. In his mind he must be saying "Unbelievable! I am NOT going to take a '9' case from Nadiah again when I'm the resus doctor." Haha.

But he's cool. Super nice doctor.

Carousel.

2008-09-10T21:47:00.005+08:00

Today was fun. Something did spoil some of my mood. But it's ok. I know I didn't do anything wrong so.. forget it.

Anyway, today is the day I broke fast with my colleagues. Met up with Nadhirah first a few hours before all of us were suppose to meet. And I went to cut my hair. Fantastic luck, I got a cute young male hair stylist. Anyway, ended up getting bangs. I have no idea how to maintain this hairstyle. I like my hair stylist, Darren Shen. He's not only utterly cute, but he's friendly as well and gives recommendations. Plus he has great hair. This is my fourth time going to that salon. Definitely returning there. Maybe I'll get my hair done there whenever I visit Orchard Road, which is not often. At the end, he made me do a survey/feedback. Peculiar questions include "Do you have Friendster/Facebook?" and "Can we add you in Friendster/Facebook?". Hahah. Anyway, Nadhirah got influenced and got her fringe done too.

After that, we window-shopped and met the rest outside Carousel. Those went were Julianah, Kak Ros, Kak Rakiyah, Kak Haniza, Yanti, Lailee and her boyfriend.

Carousel is an upscale restaurant, for those who don't know. Like me. It's very nice. The food was awesome! The desserts.. I can just moan with pleasure. There were souffle, tiramisu, cake, fondue, cream brulee and many many more. Today was a day of many firsts. Dining in a fine restaurant, eating desserts I've only heard of, having a cloth napkin on my lap instead of tissue paper, eating all kinds of seafood that came from shells. I ate raw oyster! Oh my God. And I don't think I've ever eaten in a place where each person has to pay $52. At least.

Of course there were pictures taken and laughter shared. Pictures will be up when I get them.

At the end, the bill went into the hundreds. Not one or two. More. And a surprise awaited us, one of us 'belanja' us! I don't know if I can air out her name here but those who know what/who I'm talking about, then you know la. Thanks so much!

Since we didn't get to use our $52, Julianah and I didn't mind taking a cab home. It was a really good experience today.

Nobody's perfect.

2008-09-09T23:49:00.004+08:00

Everybody makes mistakes.
Everybody has those days.
Everybody knows what I'm talking about.
Everybody gets that way.

Sometimes I'm in a jam, I've gotta make a plan.
It might be crazy, I do it anyway.
No way to know for sure, I'll figure out a cure.
I'm patching up the holes, but then it overflows.
If I'm not doing too well, why be so hard on myself?

Nobody's perfect.
I gotta work it.
Again and again 'til I get it right.
Nobody's perfect.
You live and you learn it.
And if I mess it up sometimes...
Nobody's perfect.

Sometimes I work a scheme, but then it flips on me.
Doesn't turn out how I planned, get stuck in quick sand.
No problem can't be solved, once I get involved.
I try to be delicate, then crash right into it.
But my intentions are good, sometimes just misunderstood.

Nobody's perfect.
I gotta work it.
I know in time I'll find a way.
Nobody's perfect.

Sometimes I fix things up, and they fall apart again.
Nobody's perfect.
I might mix things up, but I always get it right in the end.
You know I do.

Next time you feel like it's just one of those days,
When you just can't seem to win,
If things don't turn out the way you plan,
Figure something else out.
Don't stay down, try again!

Nobody's perfect.
I gotta work it.
Again and again 'til I get it right.
Nobody's perfect.
You live and you learn it.
And if I mess it up sometimes...
Nobody's perfect.
I gotta work it.
I know in time I'll find a way
Nobody's perfect.
'Cause everybody makes mistakes.

MI Gathering.

2008-09-07T22:27:00.015+08:00

I had an awesome time with Shikin, Haiqal, Sean, Shu Xian, Azfar and Fizah after work today. After weeks of organising this MI gathering, out of 10 people invited, only these 6 came.

These people are the friends I made during the 3 months period after secondary school ended and before JC/Poly started. We only knew each other for 3 months but we totally enjoyed our time in MI and I guess we've gotten close. But it's only after 3 years that we decided to have this gathering.

I went to Marina Square straight after work, succeeding in not getting lost. I think I waited close to an hour for the rest to arrive. Slowly one by one came. All of us haven't seen or talk to each other for years, almost 3 years. So anyway, at first, with only Azfar, Haiqal, Shikin and Sean, it was weird as hell. We were too quiet, shy maybe. We asked each other what each of us were doing with our lives now. It was awkward. It wasn't until much much later, some time before we headed to Secret Recipe to break fast, during our arcade session, that the ice finally broke, big time.

During dinner we reminisced our times during our MI days. How we skipped lectures, how we played pool after school, how we didn't do our homework, our teachers, the pranks we played, how we played cards at the back of the lecture hall, the other friends in our class. Had a great laugh.

After that we went to Changing Appetites and ate three different kinds of ice cream and desserts. It was yummy! The guys played a prank on Fizah, as usual. You know the Tabasco sauce, they bluffed her by saying it's actually a drink sweetener. Hahaha. Fizah doesn't know what the sauce is actually. So she poured some drops of the sauce into her drink and drank it. Her reaction thereafter was hilarious. I took a video of it but am not gonna post it here. Sean laughed till he cried while Azfar laughed till he almost rolled of his chair to the floor. It was so much fun.

After that, Sean sent Shikin, Haiqal, Shu Xian and I home in his car. Again we reminisced about the times we went out before. So much fun. Anyway, he sent us straight to our blocks. It was so nice of him. He even opened the door for me and held my hand while I got out. SUCH a gentleman. I want this kind of guy. He's so cool.

At the end of the day, I'm very relieved and utterly happy that the outing was a success. Ice got broken and we had fun and laughter. Everyone enjoyed themselves. I'm relieved because I was the main organiser of this gathering. So I was really stressing during the weeks I was planning this and contacting them like crazy. I was so worried no one would enjoy themselves. But, hey, it ended perfectly. I can't wait for the next outing with them!

Dedicated to Tini, Aisyah & Nisa.

2008-09-01T02:29:00.001+08:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Last minute cancellation.

2008-08-31T15:54:00.004+08:00

I'm looking good today. I'm dressed, made up. In anticipation of seeing cute pilots, I had a hairdresser do my hair right before I was supposed to go out to meet them. I was looking forward to touching a fighter plane, watch the aerial display of the F16, maybe try the flight simulator and hopefully have my pictures taken with the pilots in uniform next to a jet.

I was supposed to go to the RSAF Open House 2008 today.

But I'm at home. After getting the text, I went home after getting my hair done for nothing. I got it ruined when it started raining. My make up doesn't look fresh anymore. I had to change out of my outfit. And the only thing I watched was TV, the only pictures I took were *cough* of myself and now I'm suffering from a stomachache from eating expired mayonaise.

Hope can be such a bitch sometimes.

But before anybody gets any kind of feelings, I'm fine. I think. And if you-know-who is reading this, it's ok. I'm not mad.

I guess I have to wait for the next Open House. I don't know if it'll be as great because it's their 40th anniversary this year. And people go over the top for anniversaries.

Hmm. Let's see. What's the next thing to look forward to? There's the MI Gathering next weekend, which I have no idea if it'll make history because so far only 2 or 3 out of 10 RSVP-ed. I'm just so tired of planning already. I'm going to wait until the last minute to chase them and if they can't make it, I'll make a last minute cancellation. Ha. Ha. As if. I can't do that. I'm the kind of person that will plan what to wear a couple of days before, make sure I have all the numbers, the directions.

Maybe I should go with the flow more.

UPDATED at 9.52PM
I have a favourite writer I want to share to all of you. His name is Dave Barry. He mostly writes articles I think. I first came across him while reading the newspaper. He's awesome. His articles are full of humour. I totally laughed out loud whenever I read his columns. Here's an article he wrote that got me into fits of laughter. I urge you to read it yourself. Especially when you need something interesting at this moment right here, this second.

A Healthy Dose of Pain by Dave Barry

Out with Tini and Aisyah.

2008-08-30T23:50:00.003+08:00

Yoo-hoo!

Today, after taking a few hours of shut eye after night shift, I went to meet Tini and Aisyah for a catching up session.

We went to Vivo City. Actually we wanted to catch the movie 4bia but the tickets sold out and the next show time was a bit too late. Anyway, I've already seen it but the other two girls have not. It's quite a good horror movie, with some humour in it. This show is rated NC16 in Singapore. So of course, I can easily get in. But, you know what happened? The ticket person actually asked for my ID! She said I looked young. Hahah. I looked like someone below 16 years old. That's like at least 5 years younger than my real age. Isn't that awesome? Haha. The secret to my youthful look? Short hair. Hahah. Which doesn't seem to work on Tini since she said I looked mature with my current hairstyle. Aisyah, however, disagrees with Tini. Haha. Good good.

Ok. We couldn't find any other interesting movies so we left and ate at The Chicken Rice Shop. So expensive. I only ordered Stuffed Fish Balls Soup, which was a tad salty. We chatted and updated each other on our lives, all of us stressing about the JCI audit. I hope I don't get audited. I want to be on night shift on that day but as it's an audit, I don't know which day they'll come to CE.

Anyway, after eating we went shopping and had Chocolate Fondue at Haagen Daz. Talked and laughed some more and we decided to go for a short and cheap holiday in mid-November to Genting Highlands. Tini got all excited. Remember, you guys, take your leave between 13-16th November, yea? We'll discuss further during our next outing.

Then we went to the Sky Park and chilled.

I had a great time with them. It's been super long since we've last seen each other, so the meeting up session was good. I'm looking forward to our next meet-up when we'll break fast together. Can't wait!!

I'm so pale.

Working life.

2008-08-30T04:46:00.002+08:00

The glare from the computer screen is the only light that's helping me see the letters on the keyboard. So don't mind me if you see lots of spelling mistakes. Of course, being me, I'll probably edit the entry if there are any mistakes. That's because grammatical, vocabulary, spelling mistakes are one of my pet peeves. I can't stand it when English are not written correctly. I'm not saying that my English is perfect, but those obvious errors make me cringe. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about English. I'm here to rant.

Currently, I'm utterly dissatisfied with my life. If I were to take the short quiz on How Happy Are You?, like the one Oprah took with her audience, I'd fail miserably. Work hasn't been really good. And this time, I'm not exactly talking about the patients. Working life is so full of politics. And I've been misunderstood and lectured that I'm actually shocked. Can you imagine, you've always thought of yourself as very helpful. You'd do anything that's being asked of you. The right stuff, anyway. You're the kind that has difficulty saying no when someone's in need of help. But someone comes along and says you're lazing around. It's like a slap in the face! It ruined the rest of my day. And when you found out that people has been talking about you behind your back. I would say it hurts. Now I can understand how some of my colleagues feel.

I think my problem is that I've low self esteem. My confidence level is not very high and it seems to be dropping. So people would say, build up your confidence. Be confident. But how the hell do I do it?

Well, basically, right now, I feel so shitty. Today, for the first time, I broke down because of work. I feel like the world's against me. People hate me. And I'm starting to hate people too. At this point in my life, I feel like such a fake. I'm faking my smile, I'm faking the friendly tone in my voice. It's a good thing I'm wearing a mask. A wall's building up and I don't know if anybody can knock it down.

Miss School.

2008-08-27T13:23:00.003+08:00

I realized that I hardly ever talk about work in my blog. Right? Actually, there are lots to talk about work. Maybe because I feel like my blog is too public. And it has got me into trouble before. Work has lots of issues that, to me, belongs in the confidential category. So maybe that's why I don't talk about work.

But I can talk about the feelings work brings me. Only I won't talk about it now.

What I actually came to say was, that I miss driving school. Haha. But after Shikin leaves that place, I don't think I'll miss it that much. Cuz the ties with that school is not there anymore.

Anyway, nature's calling.

I can now drive legally.

2008-08-22T14:45:00.006+08:00

Listen up everyone! There's a new driver in town! Me! Finally, right? Hahah.

Yesterday, I had my last lesson and my instructor did a final assessment on me. He pretended to be the traffic police. So while I drove, he stayed silent and just mark on his sheet of paper of the mistakes I did. So that was my first impression of what the actual test will be like. Anyway, one of the test is Emergency Brake. It was very, very long time ago since I practiced emergency braking. So when he hit the dashboard hard (that's the signal to do an emergency brake), I jumped with shock and was like "What?!" At first I thought he was swatting a fly. Hahah. But then, the lesson on emergency braking came rushing back to me. Really, I had a flashback. So then I braked hard. Scared me half to death!

Then there was the parallel parking. Dear God! After yesterday, I thought if I failed today's test, it's because of parallel parking.

What else happened yesterday. Hmm. Oh yea. An instructor said I looked beautiful. Oh my God! Haha. Plus I may be making a new friend soon, on the day Shikin asks me out with, hopefully, Edmund!

I couldn't sleep at first that night, but when I did, I dreamt three (3) times that I was taking my TP test. The first dream, I failed the test because I knocked down a pole while parking. I can't remember what happened in the second, but the third dream, I passed my test. After that dream I kind of surfaced a little to the real world and realized I was only dreaming and in my subconscious state I muttered, "It was only a dream... I hate dreams."

So today came. It was nerve wrecking! The waiting of the traffic police who'll be testing us and determining whether our wallets will have an extra card, our driving license, the balloting of our test routes, all that made me have palpitations that got me lightheaded.

I was fortunate enough to get a great warm up instructor. I was lucky enough not to get a test route that we had to do a U-turn at the starting point of the huge 4-lane expressway. And I was blessed enough to get a nice and friendly, not at all mean and scary, traffic police.

Well, maybe I'm the kind of person that excel under pressure. Because during the warm up session and the test itself, I did my parallel parking perfectly fine! I was so relieved once I was out from that parking slot. But then of course, it's not over yet. There's still the roads outside. I did ok, I guess. I thought I did quite a number of mistakes. So when I finally finished with the test, I kinda expected myself to fail. But my tester gave me the result; I passed. I was SO relieved, my heart was SO at rest, I thought it has dropped to my feet and stopped beating. Only I was grinning and my eyes were wide with happiness that I knew I couldn't be dead.

I got so many congratulations, two from my instructors that has my number, Chris and Idris, who called me and made me laugh. Hahaha. Idris called from a private number and pretended to be someone from the Traffic Police Centre, saying that there's a mistake in my license or whatever. Haha. AS IF!

Anyway, anyway. Today was also the day I said goodbye to the driving school. I'm actually going to miss going there, having all the male instructors around me. Lucky Shikin! Girl, I'm waiting for our date with Edmund!

When I got home, my dad was already bugging me to go for a test drive in his car. Almost reluctantly, I went. Tested. Tried parking without poles or cars. Needed several tries. After that I drove to fetch my mom home. Reached our multi-storeyed carpark. And almost died. Of frustration. Now I had to park in between two cars. WHAT?! But the worse thing was one parent telling me to do this and another telling me to do that. They were so contradicting that I could have crashed one side of the car. I almost cried in frustration! Good thing my dad's car is auto, or I would need crutches for my leg that has to control the clutch, too. Grr. But finally, I got the car into the slot.

While driving, I realized there are quite a number of motorists that aren't that courteous as taught when they were in driving school. I saw a huge lorry carrying cement changed lanes without signaling. Good thing he wasn't moving into MY lane or I would have blurted out an expletive.

I'm a new driver. So I have to put this bright orange P plates that indicates to other drivers that I'm a newbie at driving, freshly graduated. But I find that's not enough. Maybe I should get like a message blinker thing installed to the back of my car. So I can give messages to other drivers on the road. Like, "I'M NEW. I MAY DRIVE SLOW... DON'T HONK AT ME!". Or "I'M CHANGING TO THE RIGHT LANE. GIVE WAY... PLEASE!". Then if they give way or if I did something wrong, "THANK YOU..XOXO!" and "I'M SO SORRY!". Or if I see a nice car behind me, "WOOT! YOU THERE! GREAT CAR!" Hahaha.

NB Manual cars are just horrible. I'd like to hear some good things about manual cars, cuz I can't think of one. Auto cars are so much easier. You don't have to worry about violently vibrating engine, stalled engine, noisy engine, clutching and shifting of gears, or sliding on slopes.

10 Things to Do Before I Turn 25.

2008-08-19T00:28:00.003+08:00

I know I had a Bucket List done before. Well, scratch that. I made that when I knew I had a friend to do those things with me. But now that he's attached and unavailable, not much use is there? At least THIS list has more of an independent factor in them. Because most of them I can do by myself.

Anyway, why such a long time? 5 years? That's because I have to think of time constraints, money problems, and family.

1. Travel to a foreign country by myself.

2. Learn to cook five(5) impressive three-course meal.
And maybe have family and friends over for a dinner party.

3. Spend all of a month salary in one day after passing the S$10, 000 mark.
Which is not easy, considering the fact that I've to deduct sums from my salary for other things, like food, transport, another separate savings account which I can't touch till I'm old or when I've a family, my parents, phone bills, etc.

4. Learn horse-riding.

5. Stay in England for at least 2 weeks and try to get as much out of it as I can.
For whatever reasons. Vacation, work, volunteering program, etc. I really want to visit this country.

6. Go to a concert.
And hopefully meet someone famous.

7. Wade along the seaside and watch a sunset.
No matter if I'm doing it alone or with someone else.

8. Improve my sign-language skills by attending classes held by SADEAF.

9. Go to a play/musical alone and dine unaccompanied in a nice restaurant.

10. Make friends with someone born and bred in another country, and keep in touch.
Hmm.. I think I've done this one.

B***H.

2008-08-18T23:38:00.004+08:00

I can't stand people who boasts about the kinds of expensive brands they want for bags, watches, whatever shit. Such a bimbo. Ugh. Sure, even I get glittered-eye over Burberry or Prada. But I don't act so rich and actually get one. The part about buying all this when you're not even well off is just so stupid to me.

Like a product of these well known brands can reach to about a thousand dollars? Is it made of gold? So what? It just disgust me that you get blinded by all this. Just be someone of a higher standard with a much higher salary then you, and I'll take all of this back. But you're no where near to being one of these people. Ugh.

I hope you buy all the branded stuff you drool over and become broke. Show off.

Went for a driving lesson today. My instructor was Chris. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "You have GOT to be kidding me."

Forever 21.

2008-08-17T17:26:00.006+08:00

Yay. New layout. The original layout had a different image. This one:

It's alright I guess. Classy. But there's something about having a huge photo of a girl I don't know splat-ted on my blog. So I went all over deviantart.com to find another image that I'd like. And that site is huge. Full of photos and images. Suddenly, I remembered seeing nice photos in this website that I went to shop online. So.. tadaa! It's from Forever 21's website.

This is the original image that I chose. I editted it with Photoshop. Ok, so this image also has a girl I don't know, but it's so much better. It shows the outfit, the book, the landscape, and her face is almost covered with her hat and hair.

Yup. I much prefer this image.

And Forever 21's website is really nice. I've ordered a top, a belt, a tote bag, bangles and a beret. Not bad. Not bad at all.

On to another topic.

I watched the Table Tennis Women's Team Finals today. It was Singapore VS China. China won, which lands Singapore a Silver Medal. Our first medal in the Olympic games. Ever. History in the making, no? No, it's already made. Haha.

After some vague thoughts of wondering whether I'm patriotic or not, I finally sat and really think through and ask myself once and for all if I'm a patriot. If I were to put it in a percentage kind of scale, maybe 70 to 80 percent.

There are some moments where I long to migrate and work in another country so bad, I'd get really sullen. Where I thought that the other country has more nicer things to do and see and be. Where I could have much more adventure and be in awe almost everyday.

But there are also those moments when I'd get goosebumbs and my heart filled with so much pride about Singapore. Especially when National Day comes around and I'd watch the celebration on TV. The show of the F16's Aerobatics, the huge Singapore flag being flown, the marching on the field. It's amazing. It was only 4 years ago, after I've graduated from Secondary School, that I started to get goosebumbs and prideful moments whenever I hear the Singapore Pledge, the National Anthem or the songs they used to make every year for National Day. Hmm.. I'm suddenly having a rush of love?, pride?, patriotism?, that I'm gonna put up photos of the National Day Parade 2008 (NDP 08).

This is a birds' eye view of the parade. Those formation you see are human made, made up of performers and of course, these uniformed men below!

The police!

The navy!

The army!

This is where the Singapore flag is flown in.

And my favourite part of the parade of all time, the Black Knights, Singapore's elite F16s, putting on an amazing show of aerobatics!!

There's a video of this online. Easy to find, if you want to look for it. I'm so going to try to get tickets for the next NDP. Those who've been to NDP many, many times, like maybe 3 times in a row, kindly sell the tickets to me, please. I've only been to an NDP once. And that wasn't even the real event. Remember the Primary 5 National Education? Yea. That was the only time.

Anyway, back to the things that make me have patriotic goosebumbs. There's the international events like the Tiger Cup Football match thing, SEA Games, or currently, the Olympic Games. Or even, a singing competition like the Asian Idol, where Singapore won. Although all matches are very captivating, there's no question that I'd rather see a match where my country is taking part in. I'd always be on the edge of the seat, silently, behind my TV screen, cheering for Singapore. If they scored a goal, or a point, or a race, or a game, or a singing competition, or a medal, I'd jump of the seat and do a one man wave. If they lost, well, there's no guarantee that you won't be hit by a cushion or hear an expletive if you're there with me. Not to worry though. The feeling I get when Singapore lost lasts only a few hours. The feeling of pride when we win, however, takes a little longer to subside.

The Olympic Games 2012 will be held in London. That's in 4 years. What will I be doing in 4 years' time? I'd have finished my bond in KKH by then. Oh my God! Maybe I'll be in England studying or working! Or vacationing! Maybe I'd get a ticket to the games and I'll be able to cheer to my heart's content during a match where Singapore's in. I'd definitely want to sit in on a table tennis match, so I can cheer my favourite athlete, Li Jia Wei.

I'm getting all excited!

Moment of Truth.

2008-08-13T21:13:00.008+08:00

The past 3 days have been quite awesome. On Monday, I met up with my Ward 43 PRCP friends, Amala, Shubin and Liu Jing. After eating, we shopped at Bugis Village. I bought a couple of things. Suddenly I feel like wearing ruffles and baggy tops with a nice belt over it. I think the ruffles was due to watching Witch Yoo Hee.

Han Ga In is gorgeous.

After that, I had to leave for my Night shift at work. It was quite a good night.

Anyway, anyway. Work ended at 0730hrs. And something good happened while I was in the train on the way home. A Caucasean guy showed interest in me!! Oh my God. At first he was just taking secret peeks. Then at his stop, he actually came to the exit that I was standing at, instead of the other exit which was truly nearer to him. As the doors open, his eyes was actually on me but not on my face. You know, the kind where you're shy and you look at the person's hands or bag or some design on the person's outfit. Yea. When he was about to step out of the train, he finally looked up, caught my eyes and gave a smile!!! Of course, I smiled back. I guess, now he's probably somewhere overseas because he had bags with him and he stopped at Tanah Merah Interchange where there's another train to bring you to the Airport. Haha. Anyway, after that, I couldn't stop smiling.

There was another incident. Early in the morning, I crossed the road to the bus stop. A Caucasean guy was also crossing the same road, only it was in the opposite direction. When I looked up, I caught him giving me a smile.

I never would have thought that a Caucasean guy would have some interest in me. Even though I wish for a Caucasean boyfriend, I've always been intimidated by them.

*Shrugs*

Oh well.

Had another night duty. It was busy but manageable.

All right. I'm gonna stop here. Wanna watch "The Moment of Truth" on StarWorld.

사랑아 내게 오기만 해

2008-08-11T02:00:00.003+08:00

파란하늘이 눈부셔
왠지 가슴이 아파와
나도 모르게 눈가에 이슬 맺히면
상상속에서 나에게
다가올것만 같은 그대를
언제부턴가 기다렸었죠
아직 사랑을 몰라서 그댈 몰라서
언제 사랑이 올까
waiting for U love
그대 조금만 더 가까이
올 순 없나요
내 사랑아 Babe my sweet heart
너무나 많은 사람들
어떻게 사랑하는지
나만 혼자 모르고 살았나봐요
아주 따뜻한 포근한
때로는 달콤한 사랑으로
항상 진하게 내게 있던 그대

아직 사랑을 몰라서 그댈 몰라서
언제 사랑이 올까
waiting for U love
그대 조금만 더 가까이
올 순 없나요
내 사랑아 Babe my sweet heart
생각만 해도 너무나
행복한 너를 볼때면
하루에도 수 천번 사랑한단말
언제 어떻게
사랑이 내게 오려나 기다렸는데
이미 온걸요 그대 알고부터
그대를 위한 자리가
내 가슴속에 있어요
나는 그댈 위해서 태어난 사람
그대 내게로 온다면 함께한 시간
이 순간 부터
꿈처럼 멋진 나의 사랑아
오 나의 사랑아 내게 오기만해

Translation
Love, Come to me.

The blue sky is blinding
My heart hurts for some reason
Dew drops form in eyes without me knowing
In my imagination
It feels like you’re getting closer to me
I’ve been waiting for you, I don’t know since when
I still don’t know love, I don’t know who you are
When will love come to me?
Waiting for U love
Can’t you get a little
Close to me
My love, Babe my sweet heart
All those other people
How can they think of love?
Am I the only one who doesn’t know how?
Very warm and comfortable
And sometimes sweet
With such love you were always with me

I still don’t know love, I don’t know who you are
When will love come to me?
Waiting for U love
Can’t you get a little
Close to me
My love, Babe my sweet heart
Any way that I think about it
When I see you being so happy
And say I love you a thousand times a day
I wondered when and how
Love would come to me
It was already here, Ever since I knew you
There was a place for you
In my heart
I was born to be with you
If you come to me, our time together
From this point on
Will be a dream. My love
Oh, my love, come to me

Meet Up.

2008-08-09T02:24:00.004+08:00

Hello, readers!

I'm happy today. Yesterday morning, I finished a good night duty and went to visit Sahirah at TTSH with Fiza. TTSH looks like a mall-cum-hotel. I wanted to see the A&E but we couldn't go in, so there wasn't much to look at. And they have Starbucks! Today, I longed for some iced mocha but I didn't get it. Anyway, Sahirah's warded in 11A. She's hoping it's a short stay. I know she doesn't read my blog but, get well soon!

Reached home at around 0930hrs. Ate and watched an episode of this Korean drama, Witch Yoo-Hee. I love the show! I do, I do, I do! Just like I love the Korean drama, The Coffee Prince. And then off to bed for some rest before a night out with the old girls.

Old girls meaning my secondary school friends that I've not met in almost 4 years. After taking much effort to dress up really nicely (I dressed like a casual Friday working woman, so that it will look like I came out for an after work gathering), I went to meet Zhongwei, Zhige, Xue Yun, Cindy and Melissa at Raffles Place. If you know me, I'm almost like a tourist in my own country. So when we started our journey to Lau Pa Sat for dinner, I was merely following them while taking in the surroundings as much as I could. I had never gotten out of Raffles Place MRT Station before so, it's pretty new to me. Hmm, maybe I did once but there are so many exits out of Raffles Place, I can't remember which one I had gone before.

Anyway, I was so happy to see them after so, so long. But they've been meeting. So when they saw me, and I saw them, we started to ask what we're doing now and stuff like that. Some things haven't change. Like, for example, Zhong, Xue Yun, Cindy, Zhige and I are still single. I felt so belonged, for the first time! Hahaha. Anyway, dinner at Lau Pa Sat was good! It was my first time eating there, even though the place is pretty famous. Tourist; through and through.

After that, we made our way to Timbre located somewhere along the Singapore River. That place is one of my favourite place in Singapore. I especially love the bridge, the river outside the Fullerton Hotel. And the other noted buildings around there. It's a nice view and surroundings. I love it. Anyway, Timbre's a restaurant, chilling out kind of place where there are drinks (which I don't drink) and a live band. The place looked pretty nice. But when we got there, it was full house. We tried waiting but it was too long.

So we headed to Clarke Quay where all the clubs and pubs and restaurants and chilling out areas are. Walked almost everywhere but every place seemed to be full or reserved. Finally we went into this place called Cuba-something. And we have a seat. Ordered drinks and snacks. Talked until a live band came up to perform. It was pretty nice. Just that the music's a tad too loud. We were shouting across the table to be heard. Anyway, most of the time while the band played, we were observing and talking about the dancers and the people in there.

We left at about midnight so that we could catch a bus/train home, unwilling to pay the outrageously expensive cab fare. But I had a really good time meeting up and catching up with my old classmates.

I'm happy.

Oh yeah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SINGAPORE!

Miserable.

2008-08-01T00:26:00.005+08:00

I feel very distanced from those friends who have a boyfriend. I don't belong.

That lines would have led to a pathetic, self-demeaning, embarrassing story. And I hate to bare myself that way. So I'm just gonna leave it at that.

God! Am I going to die an old maid?

I miss school to the max. When I think of my life now, working life, life without having at least a month or two straight of holidays, unlike school, I get depressed. 21 days of annual leave is bloody hell not enough.

The pay is pretty horrible, to me. So I'm thinking of going to maybe Saudi Arabia (or something like that) to work. I heard nurses can get so much more out there. But my ultimate wish is to study and work in the UK. But I'm starting to worry that I might not get that chance because I've read in the newspaper that UK is tightening it's law or whatever for foreign workers. I read that companies in the UK can only hire a foreign worker if they can't find a citizen of their own to fill the job space.

Foreign workers hoping to fill skilled vacancies in Britain's labour market will have to meet strict new criteria, the Government announced today.

British-based companies will have to prove they cannot fill skilled posts with a resident worker and must show that the job vacancy has been advertised in the UK, unless the job is on the shortage occupation list. Would-be migrants will need a job offer before they even apply for a visa.

To qualify, skilled foreign nationals will have to earn a certain number of points before being allowed to work in Britain. These points are awarded only if a person can prove they will be doing skilled work, speak a good standard of English, and are earning more than £24,000, or have a decent qualification. Employers will need a licence from the UK Border Agency to offer jobs to skilled workers.

Border and Immigration Minister Liam Byrne said:

"Our new points system means that British jobseekers get the first crack of the whip and that only the skilled migrants we actually need will be able to come.

And I'm pretty sure they can get nurses in their own country. So how does that enable me to work over there if the hospitals don't want, or can't, hire me?

This is such a nightmare.

Act on impulse.

2008-07-28T17:30:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I wish I can act on my impulses and those irresistible urges and desires that come over me at unexpected times, without thinking of the consequences, without having anything at all to prevent me from doing it.

One of these days, I might want to go for a vacation overseas alone. By myself. Just me, one luggage (or two), one flight ticket, a single bed in the B&B, table for one. Just me and the whole city/country to discover by myself.

I can just imagine myself in dark skinny jeans tucked into black heeled boots, a black and white plaid wool long sleeve under a white pea coat. A pretty vibrant red wool scarf wrapped around my neck brightens the whole outfit. I'm standing at the pavement beside the newsstand, carefully perusing a map of the city/country in my white gloved hands. A book filled with coloured pictures of things to do, places to visit and food to eat is tucked under my left arm.

I swing my gold coloured sling bag that carries my passport, my wallet, a bottle of mineral water, my cellphone, a packet of Werther's Original, a paperback novel and a mini multi-language dictionary, to the back, out of my legs' way as I start to cross the road as the green man lights up, eyes wide taking in the buildings around me, looking for someplace that would give me a clue to where I am on the map. I hold my white beret down on my head as an unexpected cold gush of wind blows my hair back.

While strolling down the street, window-shopping along the way, I come upon a quaint Italian cafe. The row of pretty and brightly coloured flowers that lines the bottom panel of the window and the warm orange lighting in the cafe just lures me to it. A whiff of fresh bread, pasta, a hint of pepper and freshly brewed coffee as the door slowly closes behind the previous customer, further pulls me in. A little bell gave a tinkle as I push the door open. As I step in, across the floor, behind the counter, a handsome waiter looks up from the cash register after handing another customer his change, and smiles, welcoming me in. I vaguely take in the other busy waiters and waitresses that bustles about taking new orders and deftly balancing trays of food and drinks to the occupied tables.

I settle myself in a plush burgundy high-backed cushioned seat by the cafe window as the said dashing waiter, who looks about my age, dressed in a white shirt, black pants and shiny black shoes comes around the counter and approaches me, a menu in his right hand. My heart gives a little flutter as his long legs ate up the short distance between us. His gaze does not waver from me, an easy smile playing on his lips. It feels like a pair of invisible hands has clamped around my face so that I cannot turn my head. His smile widen, almost amused. I blink as he stops at my table and hands me the laminated menu. He pulls out a pad and a pencil from the pocket of his black apron that he wears over his uniform. His name tag is pinned just below the orange stitching of the cafe's name, on his left breast. I look up at him as I gave him my order. From where I am, up close, I can see the genuine smile and the twinkle it brings to his eyes. I can hardly keep a sigh from escaping my lips.

"Will that be all?" He asks with a slight accent that I can't quite place my finger on. With a lifting of my lips that I hope is not pathetically dopey, I nod, "Thank you."

With the slightest of bows, he turns and goes about getting my glass of blended ice mocha topped with cream and chocolate sprinkles, my plate of turkey sandwich and a complimentary basket of crispy garlic bread. I cannot help the tiniest moans of pleasure erupting from my throat.

Sigh..

Back to reality, Nad! Get right back to reality.

Or maybe I'll just go somewhere overseas alone but meet British James there. We'll meet somewhere between his country and mine and have a vacation. Haha. I need a huge scissors to cut this rope of reality tied around my waist. It's tugging at me.

Thus, back to my first point. I want to do things without anything to stop me. Money, time, work, knowledge. It's all a factor in this.

Argh!

From me to you.

2008-07-20T12:39:00.002+08:00

Dear Nadiah,

Happy birthday. You've reached the big 2-0 which you've been dreading so much. As you know, you can't avoid it. You are probably going to have people wishing you happy birthday again next year. And the years after that. You're going to have to stand on your own two feet and be wiser on the decisions you make in life. You're going to have to live with the tiny hints like wrinkles or age spots appearing as you grow.

Despite what you think, you're still quite young. You have lots of years to experience and achieve your goals. Just make that step and do not be afraid of making a mistake. There will be people who will yell at you and criticize you. Others who will be your friend when you're face to face but will stab you when your back is turned. And the rest who just plain hate you. Hopefully, there are those who'll be there for you when you start to experience the bitter side of life. But in the end, you'll be learning something.

Just strive for what you want. You might not be as lucky as some who have the talents, the brains of the world, or the bank account of a celebrity. So to get what you want, you're going to have to work hard. And while you're striving, do not forget those who've cared for you, who've helped you along the way until you reach your goal. Especially God and your parents.

I hope you'll be happy with your life.

Signed,
Your Friend.

PS I'm sorry you're sick on this day.

Manners.

2008-07-18T23:26:00.002+08:00

You know what I suddenly feel like doing from now on? I feel like bowing and curtsying to people. It's like how the Japanese bow to each other and English ladies curtsy to others as a form of greeting and acknowledging their presence. It's polite and, I don't know, enchanting? And I find it sweet and ladylike to curtsy.

However, I do find bowing and curtsying a tad degrading. Because doing so, you're showing respect. And most of the time, it's upon those who are older than you, of a higher rank than you. From the books I read, all maids and servants do the actions. Ladies do too. Only it's towards the elderly of a rank and to gentlemen they've been introduced to. It hardly shows the equality everyone wants among mankind.

Thus, the conflict within my mind.

Coffee Prince.

2008-07-11T01:16:00.004+08:00

I just finished watching this Korean Drama Series called Coffee Prince. Wow. It's great to a point that I laughed out loud many times, that I cried with the characters, that I could feel the love between the two main characters. It's a must watch. Click here to see it. The website's really good and the shows load extremely fast.

Sigh..

I want to experience the fluttery feeling you get when you see him walk into the room, the racing of the heart you get when there's a standstill as you look into his eyes, the shyness that comes over you when your friends tease you about him, the tingle on the skin you feel everywhere he touched, the catch of the breath that happens each time you kiss, the lighthearted feeling you get when you talk on the phone with him every night before sleeping, the moments when you have to bite your lip so that you won't scream with excitement when he catches hold of your hand while strolling along the beach, the times when you hold the phone to your heart and can't stop smiling after receiving a text message from him, the happiness you feel when he whispers "I miss you" and "I love you" into your ears.

Wouldn't it be nice to fall in love?

Argh! I want to fall in love!

Anyway, is LG Prada a good phone? One of the characters in Coffee Prince uses this phone all the time. Hmm. I guess TV shows and movies really work on making people purchase things. I thought I'd never be hooked on to a product used in movies and stuff.

No, wait. Or maybe I want LG Secret instead. Actually I wanted the new Samsung Omnia, but my aunt bought it first. I don't want to have the same, like copy-copy like that. Don't like.

LG SECRET
SAMSUNG OMNIA

HR Memo.

2008-07-07T18:00:00.004+08:00

Dr. Jason Lau is the cutest doctor I've seen so far. Cute as in adorable. The kind where you want to pinch his cheeks or cuddle him. The kind where your heart will break should you see him sad or cry. He's not fat or chubby. He looks like an awkward, blur, skinny little boy. That's just how he looks la but really, I don't know how he is. He's obviously smart. And so darn adorable! I think Dr. Pauline also see him a little like a small boy cuz I saw her tap his head like you do to someone young who did something silly. He's such a pleasant person to look at. Such a darling.

Anyway, I found this in facebook.com, posted by Croire, my colleague. I think my fellow nurses friends might find it funny.

HR Memo

To all Employees:

Effective January 2008

Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30
minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Management

Hahaha.

And this is the FOUR STAGES OF LIFE.

Why?

2008-07-01T23:48:00.002+08:00

Being on the bus for an hour and a half makes you think. A lot.

What I thought in the bus today on the way home was that I have this personal house somewhere that I can go to when I'm stressed up or downright angry. The house is a modern-looking home, blocky-looking, with floor to ceiling tinted glass windows. It is triple-storeyed with a sun roof. There's a garage that keeps my Lexus. The house is sound proof.

There's a door in the garage that leads to another room, a secret room. This room looks just like any other huge luxurious-looking room, only it's not carpeted, but has a polished parquet flooring. To the left wall, it has shelves and shelves of neatly arranged expensive-looking pieces made of porcelain or glass. The opposite wall has a life-sized human-shaped punching bag. At the corner next to it, there's a random-shaped, moderately-easy-to-dent item. A rack of baseball bat stands next to it. The room has speakers installed, invisible to the eye, that gives out excellent quality sound, just like in the movie theaters.

One day, I'm over at the house, bursting with pent up anger, stress, depression. I lock the door and charge into the secret room. I turn on the stereo, blasting the music loud enough you could feel the vibrations from the outside, but soft enough for myself to hear the crashes and the bangs I'm about to make.

Depending on my mood and how much energy I have that day, I'll probably start with the shelves of porcelain and glass pieces. It's my favourite, anyway. Thinking about the day, the event that caused me to get so mad, as quick as lightning I grab the fragile pieces and start throwing them against the wall, grunting and screaming as they smash into pieces. I get so mad, tears start welling up in my eyes. When I begin to tire, I throw one last piece of glass against the wall.

Then my knees give way. I fall to the floor and cry my heart out.

Who's Zoomin' Who?

2008-06-29T14:05:00.002+08:00

Secrets can't hide in science. Medicine has a way of exposing the lies. Within the walls of the hospital, the truth is stripped bare. How we keep our secrets outside the hospital... well, that's a little different.

One thing is certain. Whatever it is we're trying to hide, we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked.

That's the problem with secrets. Like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything. Until you don't have room for anything else. Until you're so full of secrets, you feel like you're going to burst.

The thing people forget, is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it, or not.

And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is, even when you think you're in control... you're not.

I'm sick.

2008-06-25T21:37:00.002+08:00

I'm unwell. Therefore I took medical leave today. God. Is there ANY way at all to stop having runny or blocked nose, ever? I hate it when my nose gives me problems. I hate it that it irritates my throat, that I can't smell or taste what I eat, that my face and head throbs to the beat of my heart, that I can't have a restful sleep having to toss and turn unable to breathe. Argh! Anyway, Suduan sent me a text for me to take care and get lots of rest when she saw I took an MC. That's so sweet! I truly didn't expect it.

So. What else has happened? Hmm. I saw one of my driving instructors one time with his child at my work place. I was so excited when I saw someone familiar. And he recognized me and blah, blah, blah, he thanked me for the compliment letter I sent. Hahah. I'm so pleased that it made my day a lot.

Other than that, work has been alright. Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm the slowest, most stupid, least liked with the lowest confidence level person ever. Although I thank God every time my shift ends that I'm not working in a ward, I still do not like to work sometimes. I don't like the pressure, the responsibility, the having to please people all the time, and sometimes the competition. To me, I think working can make me feel less knowledgeable. Some people say, when you come across something new, you'd want to find out more about it. Yea, that happens. But sometimes, you have no time to go search about it. And it makes you a procrastinator. What I need is probably classes or lessons that I have to go to after work or before work, to study, to have people teach me things that's relevant and important to know. Just giving me a topic doesn't really help me cuz I won't know where to start. Having classes kind of forces me to study. I can't wait for the day I'll start studying again.

Anyway, I received the professionally taken photos while I was on stage shaking hands with the Director of Health Sciences during my Graduation Ceremony. It looks nice! Hahah.

Scars and Souvenirs.

2008-06-10T03:05:00.004+08:00

People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories, diagrams of all of their old wounds. Most of our old wounds heal, leaving nothing but a scar. But some of them, don't.

Some wounds, we carry with us everywhere... and though the cut is long gone, the pain still lingers.

What's worse? New wounds, which are so horribly painful, or old wounds, which should have healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been, and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think.

But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over... again.

Once upon a time.

2008-06-06T20:41:00.005+08:00

Like I said, I've been dying to blog about my Graduation Day that was held more than a week ago. But I didn't receive the pictures that I wanted. Like the ones I took with Dr. Ronnie and Mr. Lim Shi An alone. My favourite lecturers. So I'm just gonna let it go then. I just wanna say I miss school very much.

Sigh..

But I did receive other photos though, like:

That's An-Nur's brother. I think he's grown quite a bit since the last time I saw him. But still adorable, as always.

Last week, I had this programme called Service from the Heart. Interesting. We were dressed in home clothes and we did phone audits and went around the hospital to see how the staff of the hospital handle us, the "customers". Some parts were lectures and I got to doodling. So did Fiza.

Something random, sort of. I can't stand people who copy cats me. It's so irritating! This person is starting to get on my nerve. And she flirts! Even to the guy I'm interested in. Annoying to the core.

Argh!

Anyway, I'm gonna be on E shift tomorrow, which is a shift that starts at 6PM and ends at 1.30AM. Gonna be such a new experience since I don't usually stay out of my house that late. Those who go clubbing and stuff would probably think like "Cheyyy.." or something like that. What-EVER.

He. Part 2.

2008-05-25T00:46:00.005+08:00

He picked me up from work in his car.
He made my heart pound when he touches me.
He paid for the movie tickets (but I paid him back, didn't feel good).
He paid for the popcorn (which I hardly ate, too nervous).
He brought me to the nearest drive-through Mcdonald's so I could buy my mom her Fillet O Fish.
He drove me home.
He loves the smell of my hair.
He walked me to the lift of my apartment.

Somehow, I don't think this is going to work out.

But then, he called me.
He made me laugh when I joked with him.
He wanted to bring me out for super early breakfast when I told him my stomach was "ringing" (said he'd turn around and come pick me up again, but I said no).

But, I still think it ain't gonna happen.

So I guess it's not Part 2; it's the end.

He.

2008-05-21T23:14:00.001+08:00

His name's Chris.
He's 27.
He's working.
He drives a car.
He's 20cm taller than me.
He makes me laugh.

He asked me out.

Hectic.

2008-05-19T20:41:00.007+08:00

Work was hectic today. Hardly had a break. I didn't even eat a proper meal. KKH's Children's Emergency was packed. There wasn't a lull at all during the whole time I was there. The waiting time was close to 4 hours! So you can just imagine what could happen when people are made to wait for that long. Parents became demanding. It was hell.

"When is it my turn?", "This is ridiculous you know.", "The numbers are not moving.", "We have been waiting for hours now and my child is sick!", "How much longer do we have to wait?", "This is ridiculous. Make your system go faster!", "So my child is not sick, not an emergency? They don't have the priority?".

Oh my God. Seriously. Is it OUR fault? So what if your child has fever? Almost every patient here has a fever. What do you want us to do? Make them all stand in a line and hose them down? I just don't find having a fever for 2 days is an emergency, unless the child seems utterly lethargic or dehydrated. It's so irritating. They have no idea what an emergency is. Argh! One of the demanding parents made one of my staff cry because she (my staff) was super damn frustrated. She had to hide in the tea room to get herself together and our Sister went to talk to the parent. Seriously. I think nurses should get a bloody raise.

Anyway, good thing about today is, I like the staff I'm working with. Plus, *shriek + fits*, I did bandaging with Dr. Benny Loo! And we conversed! And Dr. Derek Quah! Oh my God! I laughed with him today. Haha. I don't want to say more. Later, what people will think sia.

I love A&E! Nurses and doctors work very closely together. We even eat in the same room. Unlike in the wards or OT. I meant the CGH OT, I don't know about other OTs. Doctors eat in one room and nurses in another.

On to another topic. Yesterday, I went for my driving lesson. I learnt how to do a U-turn. At this cross junction, while doing a U-turn, I heard this super loud and long horning. I really thought I was doing something wrong and dangerous like turning into oncoming traffic or something. It was only when my instructor spoke up that I realized the horn came from ME! Hahahaha. I horned at myself. I must have accidentally pressed the horn while turning the wheel like some kan-chiong woman. Haha. Scared me half to death. Paiseh sia. But my instructor was ok. I got him as an instructor 3 times already. He's one of my favourite instructor. He already recognizes me. Haha. Embarrassing. My instructor said everyone was looking at me during that self-horning period. Good thing no one will recognize me.

After lesson, guess who I saw! Azfar! I just reached the bus stop and being me, I'm the kind who don't look around at people. So then, I got a text message. It was from Azfar. It said, "I think I saw you!". And I was like "Where?" and I started looking around. I realized this guy standing in front of me, which looked like Azfar but I wasn't sure. And he was using his handphone too. Smiling at it. Then he replied "You're at the bus stop right?". Then I actually stepped forward to approach him but when I look at his side view, I was like eh? Is that really him? Since I didn't want to embarrass myself twice on the same day, I quickly stepped back and then replied "Yea.. and you're right in front of me. I think." So I watched the guy in front of me read his text on his phone and I saw him smiling and then he turned around. Hahah, yup, it was him. Who would have thought we'd meet at the driving centre? Haha. Like his usual self, since the MI days, he teased me. Lembab, dia kata I? Kurang asam.

Anyway, I wanna start small and simple and cheaper first.

Mazda 2

And then maybe, just, maybe,

Lexus SC in Starfire Pearl

I Love It When You Talk To Me.

2008-05-16T20:34:00.001+08:00

Dr. Benny Loo.

=)

Emotions.

2008-05-12T21:21:00.003+08:00

One of my hamster died today. I got a text from my mom and my sister when I was at work. I cried, but controlled the tears from rolling out of my eyelids. I lost a baby. I think if I was the one who saw my darling hamster not moving, dead, I'd bawl in my bed for several minutes.

When I first got the news, I got sad. And then anger came over me. A few days ago, that hamster suffered a scratch from the inner corner or his eyes down to his nose. I just knew I had to bring him to a vet. I should have brought ALL of them to the vet to get them a check up, fix their teeth and cut their nails. But NOOOO, my mom said "There's no need, there's no need." GOD! I am so mad right now! I knew a vet was in place. And I STILL need a vet to see to my other two hamsters. ARGH! But thinking of how discouraging my mother is of seeing the vet makes me so angry that I can cry.

Anyway, Fiza, Nadhirah and I went out after work and caught a movie after having a bite at Burger King. We saw Harold & Kumar at The Cathay. Goodness gracious. It's a good thing I didn't catch that movie with a guy friend. I'd have died from embarrassment and shock. I'm never going to watch this kind of M18 movie again. Quoting from somewhere, "Must watch!"? AS IF. This is another movie I wouldn't have minded leaving half way and get another movie.

Although we went out today, to me it didn't feel like a real whole outing cuz Sheryn was unable to attend. Our initial plan was to have the 4 of us going out together. But twice something came up. So hopefully there'll be another day where all four of us are able to make it. We're also planning to take a long leave next year to tour some country in Europe or something together. But, yea, you know. It might not go the way we plan. I want to have hope in it but at the same time, I don't cuz I'm afraid of being disappointed.

I got my graduation robe yesterday night. I find it ugly. It's huge and has a thousand pleated folds in it. I just don't get why it has to have pleated folds. Can't wait to get the whole ceremony over and done with.

I have a crush on one of my driving instructors. Hong Fu is his name. Hahah. He's so friendly and likes to talk and comment on little things. Good and funny comments. He asks questions and seems interested, unlike some, asking for the sake of asking out of politeness. He's the kind I can imagine who'll talk about minor things while on the phone at night, lounging on the bed, making the girl on the other end giggle and have butterflies fluttering excitedly in the pit of her stomach. Haha. What's more, he thinks of his mama. So sweet. And he's exactly 20cm taller than me. Hahah. Stop your dreaming, Nad. But seriously, he is really, really funny. And God knows I like people who makes me laugh.

Go on.

2008-05-10T18:01:00.003+08:00

I miss Dr. Chew Wei Da. I wanna see him again so that my heart will get some workout.

Work has been good so far. A&E rocks to the core. Patients just come and go, come and go. When it's free, not so many patients, it's REALLY free. But when patients start coming in in the late mornings onwards, when it becomes busy, it's REALLY busy. And kids are just adorable especially those who don't cry too much. They're so cute. Today, I did an ECG on this 6 year old boy. He asked A LOT of questions: Must I lie down? (Yes.) Can I stand while doing this? (Haha. No.) Can I put my hand like this? (No. I need you to put it straight by your sides so I can put these stickers.) What are you doing? (Feeling for the place where I should put these stickers.) Is it going to be painful? (No.) What are you doing now? (Putting on the stickers.) What stickers are these? (They're where I can attach these wires to.) Can I see them? (Sure.) Why do you have to put these stickers? (So I can check your heart.) What are these wires? (The wires, I'll clip them to the stickers so it will show on the screen.) Is it going to be painful? (Haha no. You won't feel anything.) Why did you pull my shirt back down over the stickers and wires? (You want me to open ah? It's for privacy, your modesty.) What is that sound? (It's being printed.)

Then there was this parent who I think is hearing impaired. Cuz he gestured that he couldn't hear. His child was admitted and we had to send them up to the ward. Sheryn accompanied them. I would have gone too so I could try and use my sign language skills. But I forgot the parent was HI and didn't follow Sheryn. Regretted it sia.

Went for driving lesson after work. Not bad. Not bad. After the lesson I saw this instructor that I thought was one of my previous instructors. This instructor has been my instructor for 2 lessons. Both lessons with him I was wearing the tudung. Today, I didn't wear the tudung since I was in uniform and came straight after work. Plus I was wearing glasses. So I thought of saying hi to him and see if he recognizes me. So I tapped on his shoulders and he turned around and I said, grinning, "Recognize me?" He went like "Errrr.. who ah?" And I was like "I wear tudung", while also taking note of his crooked teeth and thick dark eyebrows. That's when a tiny bit of doubt came over me. Then he was like "Ohh.. eh, how come ah?" Meaning why I'm not wearing the tudung. At least that's what I thought he meant. So I just told him that I came straight from work. He knows I'm a nurse cuz he guessed before during one of my previous lessons with him. "So, now lesson finish ah?" I said yes. "Oh okay." And I said "Ya.. haha ok. Bye!" And I left.

While walking to the bus stop I was like "Shoot! Did I greet the correct person? Was that my previous instructor?" The sight of his crooked teeth came into mind. "Was my instructor's teeth that crooked? Was that him? Or did I get the wrong person?"

OH MY GOD. Can you imagine if I got the wrong person? What if he wasn't one of my instructors at all? Maybe he had NO IDEA who I am. I could have just made a fool out of myself. Anyhow only.. "recognize me?" I shouldn't be so daring the next time I'm not sure if I know the person. I really hope the guy I greeted was the instructor I had in mind. Paiseh sia.

Today I felt guilty and scared. Sheryn reassured me. Thanks, girl.

I want a Mazda 2.

Great Expectations.

2008-05-09T21:14:00.002+08:00

No one believes their life will turn out just "kind of" okay. We all think we're going to be great. And from the day we decide to be nurses, we are filled with expectations. Expectations of the trails we will blaze, the people we will help, the difference we will make. Great expectations of who we will be. Where we will go.

And then... we get there.

We all think we're going to be great. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But, sometimes, our expectations sell us short. Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected.

You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations. Because the expected is just what keeps us steady... standing... still. The expected is just the beginning.

The unexpected... is what changes our lives.

Sick of this and that.

2008-05-03T19:15:00.003+08:00

I came down with flu on Labour Day. The next day, Friday, I almost didn't want to come to work but I did. So the whole day I suffered with flu and during mid-day, I got such a horrible abdominal pain that I hid in the toilet for a few long minutes. It's not the want to pass motion kind of pain. More like pins and needles. My nose tap was on the whole day.

When I got home, I collapsed on my bed. I took a Piriton in the evening and then collapsed into bed again. At night, I seriously couldn't take it anymore. So I searched my medicine cupboard for other means of helping with my flu. Found this Lemsip thing for cold and flu. It's powder in sachets to make it into a hot drink. I thought it was going to be bitter so I added 3 levelled teaspoonful of sugar. Super sweet sia! But I forced myself to drink. Drank half then couldn't take it already. I don't want to get diabetes.

Dragged myself to iron my uniform and pack my bag for today. And then went to bed thinking how to get out of my driving lesson today. When I fell asleep I was half expecting to get an MC the next day, skip work and cancel my driving lesson. But when I woke up, I was surprised at how good I felt. Not totally well, but much better than the day before. Before leaving for work, I thought of taking another dose of the Lemsip drink. Made it, while taking the first few sips, I read the back of the sachet. Got a surprise when I saw that it contained 1000mg paracetamol. I know by taking another dose of this drink will not take me to the toxic level but I became super cautious and threw away my drink. Plus I can't remember what time I took my last dose. So, off to work.

And driving lesson.

I hate driving!! I don't think I can pass! Annoying like hell sia. I should have taken Auto istead of Manual. Like who cares if I can't drive Manual in the end? Who said I will have to drive a manual car? Irritating. It's not as if there isn't any nice Auto car out there. Bleahx! Stupid la. I have another lesson tomorrow morning. I'm seriously dragging myself to driving lessons sia.

By the way, we three were sick on Friday. Nad had the sniffles and one slightly swollen eye, I had the 3 day flu and soon to have sore throat/cough and Fiza had fever, muscle ache and the sniffles. Because of her fever she got to go home earlier.

Resuscitation.

2008-04-24T19:39:00.003+08:00

I almost cried at work today. Actually I did cry, only I maintained the tears in my eyes and chanted to myself to not cry anymore lest it rolls down my cheeks and makes it so darn obvious I was crying.

The reason I teared was because a very young boy, about 6 or 7 years old, passed away in the Children's Emergency Resuscitation room today. Fiza and I got the chance to observe when there was a resus case going on. Just so happens, this case was a Trauma Code. Like Code Blue, we also have a Trauma Code, which means there's an emergency situation whereby life-threatening injuries are sustained in a child. So it was announced throughout the hospital:

Attention all Medical Staff. Trauma Code in Children's Emergency (CE).

Or something like that. While in CE itself, an internal announcement was made: Trauma Code in Resus Room, RTA case, ETA 5 minutes.

So when I got to the Resus room, there were already lots of people preparing the medications and equipments. But more came down. We waited to receive the casualty when the ambulance arrives.

Already the child was unconscious and unresponsive when he came in the Resus Room. We worked on him, CPR was done all the way, for more than half an hour. Oxygen and medications administered, parameters recorded, E-blood ordered, suction applied. All the way for at least 45 minutes. Meanwhile, the mother of the child arrived, her screams of anguish could be heard whenever the slide doors open. She was brought to a room outside of the Resus room for privacy, medical social workers with her giving her all the comfort and reassurance they can give. The father was on the way.

I got stressed up, with so many people around giving orders, Fiza and I helped out with the very minor things. Most of the time we could only stand back unobstructingly and observe. I was wrenching my hands behind my back, my heart raced, I could hardly breathe. When I saw the child's face, eyes slightly open, staring blankly, lifeless, limp, as staff after staff took over the CPR, his mother's cry faintly heard behind the closed doors, tears just sprang into my eyes. All the while I was praying, hoping he'd survive.

Some time during the resuscitation, I caught a glimpse of the father arriving, and shown to the room his wife was in, looking quite anxious but was still calm.

I turned my attention back to the rescuing. His toes and feet were so pale. The monitors not showing any cardiac rhythm. There's no way to shock him. It was almost 45 minutes to an hour since the resuscitation started. Suddenly, I realized how quiet the room was. No more hurried orders, medications had stopped being administered, and except for the staff who was doing CPR and another giving oxygen and suctioning, and two or three others standing by, the rest has moved away, standing back. Now it was Fiza who said "Now I'm going to cry." After the last drop of blood was given, we started cleaning the boy up, making him presentable for his parents' viewing. Hmm. I find that phrase so utterly weird, misused. If I were the parent, he will never be presentable unless he's awake.

The boy was wheeled to the room his parents were in. That was when the father broke down. He hugged the child screaming and crying "My son, my son.". The wife joined in. Hugging the child, calling his name, willing him to wake up that he "can do it.". It was so sad, devastating. I almost wanted to go straight and hide myself in the toilet to get my composure back. But I didn't want to miss things. So.. just had to control myself la.

God. Watching the parents cry over their late son was so heart-breaking. I can't imagine being in their shoes. It's definitely worse than having a break up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Now that I've experienced this, I find a break up is nothing to the pain of losing a child. It was really hard witnessing it. I wonder if I'll experience the pain when one of my hamsters died. Heh.

I pray the child is happy in heaven right now and that his parents find comfort in some ways and that they receive all the support the world can give.

Anyway, I thought I really would have to excuse myself to the toilet. But things got so busy after that, returning to the rest of our work that the incident momentarily got thrown to the back of my mind. The rest of the day went quite well. I assisted in lots of procedures. I like.

Hmm. Today even started out quite well. I was waiting for a bus to work when I realized someone in this car across the road was calling to me asking me to quickly get in. At first I was like "Me?" and thoughts of not getting into strangers' vehicles came to mind. But on closer inspection I realized it was a fellow KKH staff, so when she hurried me, I just got in, not totally recovered from the surprise. It was so sweet of her to give me a ride to work. I think she is a Senior Staff Nurse. I couldn't catch her name, nor her car brand or her car plate number. But I really hope a good deed would be done to her one day for her kind deed to me.

I wonder if I'd be this sad if I'd worked in a normal emergency department where adults are also admitted. I feel, to me, seeing and resuscitating a child and then him/her either getting into a coma or death is so much more worse than seeing and resuscitating an adult whose prognosis is not good. I just can't bear looking into the face of an unresponsive, unconsious child. I just have to get used to it I guess.

Employee Orientation Programme.

2008-04-23T21:17:00.005+08:00

I dah TAK KISAH already. Outcasted. Keluar ke, tak keluar ke, I can't be bothered already.

Today, work was really fun. It wasn't work actually. We had the Employee Orientation Programme led by HR. The activities were really fun. There were lectures and talks by different departments, of course, but we also had activities that promotes learning and innovative thinking, teamwork and something else I can't remember. There was the minefield game (where we found out our team is very competitive), the treasure hunt, and Cross the Amazon, or something like that. Fun sia. We were so ON today. Fizah, Nadhirah, Aisha, Regina and Tini were my team members. I like them. I meant the newly-made friends. Not that I dislike Tini. But she's already my friend for 3 years, so of course, I like her too la.

Anyway, I'm realizing that I've not been blogging very properly nowadays. Like my English is deteriorating, I don't blog as detailed as before, my entries are not witty or funny or silly anymore. And I don't have many embarrassing incidents happening to me for me to blog exaggeratedly about. I'm really degrading. That's probably because I'm busy with work. And not much things are funny at work. I mean there are some laughs but most of the time it's more "internal" kind of thing and if it's about a patient, it's confidential. Or maybe, some can be told. But so far, there's no funny patient incident yet, so... you can wait.

I feel like today is the final day to goof around. I feel like after this entry, there might not be much of updating already. I think from tomorrow onwards, it'll be all work. I'm going to have to focus on my work and I feel like the stress and all the negative feelings I talked about is going to come bounding from tomorrow onwards. I don't know why, but that's how I feel. Also means that I won't be very much updated on other bloggers' life as I won't be reading them.

Maybe I'll just drop by like weeks later just to gush at how adorable kids are.

For those of you who saw Death Note, I wish for the Death God's eyes. But besides the name and the years people have left, I want to see what they do (as in for a living) and how happy they are with life.

This is my group. Love them.

We're the new Malay Registered Nurses from Children's Emergency.

Us with Regina, also from Children's Emergency.

We're now part of the Children's Emergency Family.

And they are part of the Special Care Nursery Family.

RN Nadiah.

2008-04-21T18:14:00.005+08:00

I just saw the NP Graduation 2008 Website. Disappointed like hell. I regret not doing well consistently, especially during the first semester of each year, namely Year 1 and 2. I hate all those B+ that I got. Who knows, by one mark I could have gotten an A. And I got a bloody whole lot of B-pluses. Suck to the core, I tell you.

Anyway, I'm updating for the sake of Aisyah. Who's probably bored. Or not anymore since she's buddy buddy with her bestie.

Work is fine. Stressed like whatever. I've been in an adult women's ward for 3 months and I'm suddenly in the pediatric emergency setting. A whole new world to me. If I could, I'd work in a normal emergency department where adults are also part of the patients. But I'm bonded to KK Women's and Children's Hospital. It's a super specialized hospital. I'm going to become a specialized nurse. Imagine that.

So, yea. I've got lots to learn, lots of confidence to build up, lots of competing, lots of pleasing to do. I'm sure along the way, I'm gonna have lots of disappointment, embarrassment, stupidity, nervousness and periods of depression, too. And I'm bloody sure, there's gonna be times when I'll be yelled at and scolded at by either my senior, the doctors or the parents, where all the negative feelings listed above will mix together and make me cry.

Oh God.

PS Definitely, Maybe is quite a boring movie. It's SOOO long, I actually thought of leaving the theatre halfway.

Lia's Wedding.

2008-04-12T18:22:00.003+08:00

I went to Lia's wedding today. I think I was more like the breeze than a guest.

Got there via cab (expensive like hell), sought her out, salam her and gave her the duit berkat. All of that took about 15 seconds, excluding the taxi ride. When she saw me, she was a teeny bit surprised and asked "You came here alone?" twice. I felt a little sympathetic when I saw her look when I told her the rest couldn't come. She just said "Oh..". If she felt disappointment, I think I know exactly how that feels like.

Anyway, after that 15 seconds in her limelight, I stood aside watching her as she continued her rounds of salam-ing people. She was in white. Her hair and make up done. Totally didn't look over the top. She looked pretty. And I only saw the back of the groom. Hahah. Seriously, I only zoomed in on my friend. Heck the groom.

I just can't believe how grown up life suddenly seems. All of my friends seems to be out of school, except one who's probably going to be a physiotherapist. Some of them are working in unexpected places. I know one who's currently in NS. I'm going to be a working adult. And now a friend is married. I might be the only one who's freaking out about all this.

I watched her for like 5 seconds and I'm off looking for a bus stop, all the while mumbling to myself "Oh my God, I don't know anyone here. I don't have the guts to eat by myself. Oh God, where am I walking? Where's the bus stop. I'm so going to get lost.... Where is the freaking bus stop???!! Oh. There it is."

Yup. That's it. I was at Lia's wedding for approximately a minute. I didn't eat, I didn't get a berkat or whatever. I didn't even get to take a photo with her. Actually I forgot to bring my camera. But even if I did brought my camera I don't think I'd be able to take a photo. She's busy salam-ing people, and I'm busy trying not to get noticed. At least the person who was video camera-ing the whole thing got the back of my head. I think. Haha.

So headed home, reading my Pediatric Emergency Care Handbook.

Bucket List.

2008-04-09T22:12:00.011+08:00

Nadiah's Bucket List (to achieve in 3 years' time)^

Ride the Singapore Flyer (S$29.50).
Ride the DHL balloon (S$23).
Take the reverse bungee jump (~S$30).
Buy a car of my choice.+
Catch a movie at least once in 3 months (~S$90 - S$102).*
Buy a new phone (~S$200 - S$300).#
Save up enough for further studies in UK and/or get a scholarship (thousands and thousands of dollars).@

^During my bond period.
+Price not stated as I don't exactly know how much a car costs.
*3 years worth of movie catching.
#A phone that I will not change before my 3 years.
@HELP!

At my Crib.

2008-04-04T23:57:00.013+08:00

I'm single. I'm NOT supposed to have any guy problems. But I am! It's bloody annoying. Every time I think of him or see his friendster or read his blog, what he's doing, the comments other girls are giving on his friendster, there's this gutting feeling in my stomach. I was practically groaning in pain when he replied me yesterday. Another moment in my life where I wished I didn't have any feelings.

It's not my ex I'm talking about, ok.

I think I'm going to have this heavy-stone-in-my-stomach feeling until the 14th of April, whereby I'm going to push all of these thoughts to the back and darkest corner of my mind.

Anyway, Tini, Nisa and Aisyah came to my crib today. My parents went to Malaysia for the weekend. We watched Boogeyman 2 screaming like no one's business. We played Twister. We cooked potato salad, made brownies and ordered Arnold's Chicken. We listened to old Hindi songs and Nisa and Tini danced to it.

That's the brownies.

Boogeyman 2.

Ooh! Scary!

That's the Arnold Chicken on the floor.

Dancing to Holly Valance's Kiss Kiss.

Let's get in a twist!

And now he's complimenting me? STOP! I realized I'm not emotionally strong.

On a brighter note, I finally talked to Jaclyn Chow, my good friend in secondary school, after 3 years! I miss her too much.

First Practical Driving Lesson.

2008-04-03T21:07:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WILSON!

I went for my first driving lesson today. I drove a car! Oh my GOD! I thought my first day the instructor would be showing me this and that. I didn't think I'd drive straight away.

My instructor today was awesome. He's funny and likes to make a lot of analogies. Actually I was hoping for someone old. Cuz I thought maybe he'll be more uncle-like, gentle. Or something. When I saw this 30-40 year old man with this cool haircut and shades, I said under my breath, "Oh mannn..". But after that, he's nice!

I hate clutches! My left leg up to my butt is gonna ache every time I drive. Anyway, I didn't hit a car or a pedestrian.

When I first started to drive after my instructor has shown me a demo, my lips were all the way mouthing the words "Oh my God, Oh my God" while putting on my seat belt. I must have done it like someone chanting cuz my instructor noticed it and asked me about it. Then he reassured me. Hahah. It's a good thing, during the handful of times when the car jerked or vibrated, I didn't shout some vulgarity. Haha.

Next lesson's on Monday. I hope I get an instructor that's as nice as the one I had today.

Low, low, low, low, low...

2008-04-02T19:28:00.004+08:00

Met up with Tini at KKH to collect our brand new uniforms yesterday. After that we headed to this store that sells medical related books. I purchased a book on Pediatric Emergency Care and another book on the Pediatric Dosage Handbook. If you didn't know, I'll be working in Children's Emergency in KKH. I felt like getting a head start before work starts in two weeks' time.

After that, we headed to Orchard Cineleisure to catch "Step Up 2". That place brings me LOTS of memories. All the way from secondary school till now. I guess the most memorable time I had at Cineleisure was probably when I went to watch "Haunted Apartments". That was the first time I shared my jacket with someone else. The first time that I went out with someone who was buying a gigantic Tweety Bird for his girlfriend's birthday, too.

Coming back to Cineleisure after so, so, SO long made me miss everything and everyone that I've spent my time with. I'm feeling so nostalgic!!

*Huge sigh..*

Anyway, Tini and I took neoprints! Hahaha. Classic. Step Up 2 was great. I've seen Step Up, too. Both times, I've exclaimed to the person who watched the movie with me my dream of being a great dancer. Hahah. Whatever right.

After the movie, we went straight to HMV to look for Step Up 2 soundtracks. We wanted to find out the title of the song of Moose's ringtone, which he danced to. I still don't know the title. Argh!! Hahah. And we bumped into Daphne, a fellow HS Year 3 Nursing Student. So the three of us just chilled, browsing through the albums when the song LOW by Flo-Rida came on. Tini and I were bursting to dance right there in HMV. Haha. After a while, Daphne and us went separate ways.

Walking to find a bus stop that has Bus Number 5, we bumped into another two more NP Year 3 Nursing Student, Xinyi and another girl whose name escapes me. Walked some more, and we saw Ashraf, another NP Year 3 Nursing Student. Hahah.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah. Tini met her boyfriend and I head home dying from my heavy bag. I think my shoulders are lopsided right now.

Today, I went to Comfort Driving Centre with my parents to book my practical lessons. I know I had my theory tests like almost 2 years ago. I guess I lost interest along the way. And I still so much prefer people driving me. When we reached I had a stomachache. I so didn't want to drive! I want a driver. Haha. But there's no turning back. My parents want me to take driving lessons.

It gave me a 2nd shock I might not ever recover from. I saw Shikin, my MI friend! She's working there temporarily right now. But still, a shock!

The first shock was when I found out my secondary school friend has become a teacher in our old school! I was looking through my sister's yearbook, searching for the first teacher I've ever had a crush on, when I saw my ex-classmate among the teachers. You have no idea how surprised I was.

Well anyway, when I saw Shikin, I went like "I don't want to grow up! I don't want to work!" The reality is like sinking in. The last time I saw these two people were when we were in school. When we were still a student. And now, we're all grown up and into the working life. Gosh. I wonder if anyone will have a shock when they see me as a full-time nurse in KKH.

So I went to register myself. Dreading it quite a bit, I should say. I think I'm scared. Haha. Anyway, so we went through all the steps, the costs and everything. Little did I know, my first practical lesson would be TOMORROW! When I heard it, I think I couldn't prevent the widening of eyes and dropping of jaw. So fast!! Oh my GAWD!!! I'm stressed out. I'm having a bout of paranoia. I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE!! Ok. Maybe that's a lie. It's more like I don't want to take driving lessons from strangers. I just wish I have the secret knowledge that I already know how to drive. So I don't have to go through all of this. But there's no backing out.

You can do this, Nadiah.

UPDATED at 2120hrs.
Finally! The song!

My Sunday Night Movie.

2008-03-31T13:39:00.007+08:00

Last night I sat in bed propped up by my pillows and my duvet covering from my hips down. It was past midnight, I'm sure. My room was very dimly lit by two tiny table lamps acquired from Bangkok, Thailand. You have to have it right in front of you if you want to read a book. Everyone else was asleep, except for my sister who lounged on her sofa-cum-bed, her earpiece in her ears, chatting with her friend on her laptop.

I was with my earpiece on as well. It was plugged to an Akira portable mini DVD/VCD player propped by another pillow on my lap.

Fingers on one hand were on the volume controller, another near the screen. Those were my safety measures to prevent myself from dying due to a scare. In case there's a scream expected, I can lower down the volume. In case there'll be a scary figure with a scary face popping into the screen, my hand can cover the screen. But I had nothing to prevent my own screams from my mouth (no, i don't want a gag!). Nor could I control my heart from racing.

It was also surprising that I had a laugh every now and then.

"Amazing! So darn amazing!" was what I utter as I switched off the player and my table lamps, preparing for sleep.

I was watching "SAW".

Welcome to the family.

2008-03-26T17:01:00.007+08:00

Please welcome the newest members of my family.

Meet BoBo, Hammie, and erm.. I can't think of another one. And I also don't know which one is which. Hahaha. But whichever that likes me more, the name's BoBo.

Here's one showing one of them eating.

Isn't he/she adorable? My darling.

I know this one's a male. I can see the pee-pee. Can you?

Them sleeping.

Before I held them in my bare hands, I actually used surgical gloves to carry them. Hahah. I was scared. I was bitten before. It hurts ok. Feels like needles.

One thing you should know about hamsters is that sometimes they collect food and put them in their cheeks, like a pouch. I didn't know that the first time. So when I carried it one time, they started moving their mouth and I saw food coming out of their mouth, undigested tiny whole nuts. Immediately I put them down. I thought they were vomiting!! It was a scary sight. Worried me to the max, I tell you.

To another topic. I dreamt that Julian Hee and I knew each other. One time in the dream I was so scared of something that I almost cried. And get this. He came towards me, kissed me on the forehead and hugged me. OH MY GOD!!!!! It felt wonderful cuz he's big. Hahah. I'll put up a picture of him so you can imagine too.

So. Who wants to name my third hamster?

Aisyah's Chalet.

2008-03-24T23:49:00.023+08:00

Been to Aisyah's chalet at Aloha Loyang. So much for girls only. In the end two boyfriends came but only one stayed overnight. However, it was still absolutely fun. Laughed a lot.

They went swimming while I became the photographer.

They were asked to get out of the swimming pool by the lifeguard because they weren't in proper swimming attire.

Kan kena marah. Haha.

So they went to the Jacuzzi instead.

Here's a couple of videos to show you how much they're enjoying themselves. Turn up your volume. It's hilarious. Or you can click on the video again to see it in YouTube.com itself cuz my blog has background music.

And this is post-swimming. Hahaha!

Ate a lot. I love the potato salad. I wonder if they had leftovers. If they did, I regret not asking them to let me take some back home. I think the reason was because I was too exhausted.

We stayed up all night. Talking at first and then to the stupid hilarious games. It's a good thing Farhan came with playing cards. He taught us how to play Poker and BlackJack. We gambled with Skittles! Hahaha. I'm still in debt of a couple of Skittles. I actually went down to negative(-) 11. Hahaha. We also played Police and Thief. Instead of winking, we used our feet, under the table. Hahah. I'd say I'm a good policewoman.

By 6am we were all pooped. Wanted to go see the sunrise but people were lazy and utterly worn out. Sad.

About 7 something Tini, Nisa and I went to get freshened up. We stole a few minutes getting some shuteye. After that, I couldn't wait to go home. I was so tired. The last time I felt like this was on the night of the HS movie marathon. Not that I was there the whole time. Hehe.

Anyway, there are more funny photos that I took but they're not with me. We'll see when I get them.

On to another topic, Azfar IM-ed me the day after I came back from Bangkok. At first I was suspicious. Why, after 3 years of not keeping in touch, did he IM me today? But after that, it was nice and fun updating each other. I still don't know the answer to my question. But it was a nice surprise. He misses the MI days. Aww. Me too.

Bangkok Trip.

2008-03-22T18:57:00.008+08:00

I'm almost a week overdue on my Bangkok Trip update.

First thing first. Guess what my favourite mode of transportation is. It's flying. I LOVE airplanes. I just can't let the thought of how huge the commercial plane sink in. It's the most amazing transportation ever invented. I love the view of a plane speeding on the runway and take off into the air. It never fails to catch my breath and leave me awestruck. It's one of the best feeling I'll ever have.

We took the budget airline.

The sunset on our way to Bangkok.

The 6 of us.

Once reached, we took a limousine to our *ahem* budget hotel. It's alright I guess. Nothing special. Well, at least OUR rooms didn't have anything special. We arrived at our hotel about 8 or 9pm. Go changed and head out to dinner. We took the tuk-tuk. So much fun. I like the wind in my hair. So anyway, our driver was a little.. scary, maybe? He sped. Usually people start up slowly and gradually pick up speed. But he, he zooms off! We could feel the single front wheel lift off the ground. He did that like 3 times. And when there were potholes, he didn't slow down. A thought that's been on my mind when I was in that tuk-tuk was "Will this 3-wheeled vehicle turn onto it's side by the way he's driving?".

He brought us to a restaurant where the waiter taught us how to say fork and spoon in Thai. I don't know which is which but when the two words are said together, it sounds like "cheongsam". Right. So anyway, the food was alright. Expensive though.

After that, they wanted to go to RCA, where all the clubs and pubs are. Took the same tuk-tuk with the same driver. The drivers were like "OK!! I take you!! Anything you say!!" in this super cheerful-give-me-the-creeps way. We got on, after a while, they turned into this majorly dark and deserted alley and stopped right in front of the steps of an entrance to God-knows-what. There were a few sneaky-looking men sitting at the steps. A couple of them got up and walked towards us and invited us in. According to the drivers, that was "Disco!! Goooood!!". The six of us just sat in the tuk-tuk, momentarily stunned. Then Nisa (or was it Ruizman) spoke up in this serious no-nonsense way "No. We want to go to RCA. This is not RCA." It took a while to get the drivers to bring us away from that place. But the scariest thing was a guy from that "disco" got into our tuk-tuk, start up the engine and stepped on the accelerator. I was like "Oh no." I thought he was going to kidnap us and bring us to no-one-knows-where. You can't imagine the relief when he just made a tiny U-turn, turned off the engine and got out giving the tuk-tuk to it's original driver back.

Well, we didn't go clubbing that night. We chilled out in Hollywood instead.

So that's the first night. The next two days plus the next night were spent in lots of shopping and walking. We tried the BTS. We bargained with a lot of people. We met a number of nice people. We looked for Halal food shop. We found them near our hotel, a good thing. Food were good and reasonably priced. We played hilarious stupid games in our rooms. Oh on one of our shopping sprees, we met a few of our fellow NP HS Year 3 nurses!!! Such huge coincidence.

I wear XS. She wears _______. (Fill in the blank)

The last night they went clubbing at RCA while I spent my night in my hotel room. I didn't want to go. Full stop.

On the last day we shopped some more to finish up out Baht money. To tell you the truth, there really isn't much to buy over there. Sure there are cheap clothes to buy but they're like the same and can be obtained anywhere. So there wasn't much things that's special. There were souvenirs that's evidently from Thailand but knick-knacks? They'll just collect dust.

We didn't do much sightseeing because it seems to take a lot of time and money. Bummer. So basically what we do is shopping. I'd have prefer to stay longer and go sightseeing. Make the trip more educational or something. Like when I went to Cambodia. It was more fulfilling.

We were shopping at the airport before our departure back to Singapore. I think we didn't realize we were late or something. So while walking to the borading gate, an airport staff was like in a hurry saying "Are you taking Flight TR 109 to Singapore?" Ais and I nodded. And she said "Hurry. The gates will close in 2 minutes." Ape lagi. Lari ah. Tini, Nisa and Ruizman were behind us. Ruizman couldn't take how Tini ran. It was too funny. She had her jacket and plastic bag of mashmallows and her moderately-sized travelling bag on one hand. Another ziploc bag with her toiletries and passport on another hand. *Give me a 5-minutes break to laugh* HAHAHAHAH. Picturing her is so funny. I just laughed out loud. Ok let me continue. Why she had the toiletries in her hands were because during the bag scanning thing, they had to confiscate her liquids! Her hair curl gel and her sun block lotion was taken away. So she didn't have time to keep everything in her bag when the staff said the gates will close soon. So I don't know which bag and jacket she has on which hand but one hand was grasping her jeans to prevent it from falling down while she ran! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Stop it, Nadiah!! Hahhahahah.

Anyway, wanna know how utterly budget-ed our hotel is? Our hotel is like hidden in an alley. There was no grand lobby welcoming us. I think you can count the number of staff in 2 hands. There's only one lift. And it's tiny. Our room can only be dimly lit by 2 table lamps and 1 spotlight, all in orange. The floor to ceiling wall window has the view of the airconditioner machine thing.

One time, while Ais was having a shower, she was bathed in darkness and cold water poured over her because there was a blackout in our room. Tini and I had to go next door to Nisa's and Ruizman's room to borrow their shower. Otherwise, we'll be groping about in the dark trying to find our toiletries.

Another time while we were going down in the lift, we met 4 other Singaporeans there for vacation too. So it was like "Where are you from?" and then "Singapore" and then "Us too!". And there were cheering like "Yay, Singapore!" Suddenly the lift came to a halt. The doors didn't open. The digital display had an "E" instead of the level of the building. The assistant bell didn't work. So the newly met guy forced the door open. He opened a crack and yelled for help. So they just forced the doors open and someone came and helped open the doors. I got a shock at what I saw when the doors opened. We were below ground level. There were NO basements. The lift it seems has gone through the ground or something so it's like a third of the lift is below the ground level. And you have no idea how naive we were. The newly met Singaporeans climbed out first. Then the hotel staff told the rest of us to stay in the lift first. Like they're going to do something. So we were like okay okay. For a few moments, nothing happened. It was quite silent. I can't remember who finally said "Why are we staying in here? Could have just climbed out just now." At the same time the newly met Singaporeans opened the doors and said "Nevermind. Let them come out first." So we all had to climb out with the help from the people outside. It was quite high! Unbelievable. We had to take the stairs la. Luckily our rooms are only on the fourth level.

Oh well. But it was still fun going on holidays with friends only. It'll always be remembered.

Guess which one is whose.

It was sweet that Wilson messaged me when I was in Thailand.

Take a look at this. I made it.
Click Here.

Something to Talk About.

2008-03-12T12:06:00.004+08:00

Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words, and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or, how to ask for what we really need.

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about.

Some things, we just don't want to hear. And some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say. They're what you do. Some things you say because there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself.

And not too often, but every now and then... some things simply speak for themselves.

We're pro-books.

Love her loads.

Yes, she's that pretty.

No, she's not pregnant.

And finally,

So, does it speak for itself?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll be taking off in 3 days time. I think I should be busy packing my stuff. So till then, I'm outta here. Do await my return.

Fake smiles.

2008-03-07T16:44:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's NP HSN Dinner & Dance was nice. Really entertaining. People looked their best. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them ends up being a model or Miss Singapore or whatever.

Yes, I was served. 7-course dinner. Pretty good.

Emcee and DJ was awesome.

Highlights of the night, I got my picture taken with HSN Cohort 2005's Mr Macho. Wooo *swoons*.

And, some confessions and thoughts were exchanged.

On to another topic which nobody will know about unless they can enter my mind and rummage through it, UNBELIEVABLE! UN-BELIEVABLE!!

I will not swear. I will NOT swear!

Pain-O-Matic.

2008-03-05T13:52:00.001+08:00

pain-o-matic

things you shouldn't do...

It's, like, oh my God.

Preparation.

2008-03-03T11:55:00.006+08:00

I need to get EarPlanes before I get on board the plane to Bangkok. I remembered the time I went to Cambodia, and my ears hurt so much I almost wanted to cry. It still hurt for a few days after that. I don't wanna suffer for the whole of my trip!

I hope I don't get sick on the day of my flights because I'd die from the pain.

Shopping List:

EarPlanes x 4
Panadol for Cold (will bring Piriton too)
A box of BandAids (or should I get this when I get there? Will it be cheaper?)
Sunblock SPF 130 (if there's higher, i'll get the higher one)
Sunsilk Super Soft shampoo & conditioner (for soap, I'll use the one available in the hotel room)
A small bottle of contact lens solution

That's it so far.

At first I thought maybe I should worry about my preparation for my Prom Nite since it's happening first (in 3 days time). Almost wanted to buy a clutch bag that most probably can only be used when I wear my prom dress which is like once a year. But then I thought, what for? It's just one night, I'm only there for the food (which I hope is a 10-course dinner, not a buffet), and seeing my friends in all their glitz and glamour. But that's it. Nothing worth splurging for if you ask me. Rather save the money for my studies and a grand wedding. I've already spent $105 for the entry (it's held in hotel, see), no way I'm going to waste some more for a one-night thing.

Anyway, I've been spending my time at home making blog layouts. *Geek Alert* Here's the most recent one.

Deep Thoughts.

2008-02-25T22:37:00.003+08:00

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter.

Wait.

It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.

And if you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy."

I bet it means something.

Hahah.

I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy girl. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.

Here's something I made. I'm quite proud of it.

What have I got to lose?

2008-02-23T12:48:00.008+08:00

Yesterday, we had to go back to school for one last debrief. It was pretty disappointing on the students part. I could see how disappointed and exasperated Dr. Thomas was. And I CANNOT stand those people who walked in late. Super irresponsible. And unrespectful. Especially during the visitor's talk. It's utterly embarrassing how some people just strolled in when they know they're late. I'm giving them some credit saying that they KNOW that they're late.

Anyway, after that 4 of us girls went to the Airport. We went to the Viewing Mall (or was it Hall?). Whatever. I saw the planes! I love aeroplanes. I just can't get over the fact how gigantic they are. I'm in such awe every single time I see a plane.

Then we all went over to my house to search and book our flight tickets and hotel rooms to Bangkok, Thailand. It's pretty exciting.

Today, I met up with Amala to go to 'work'. We brought cakes and brownies and a card for the Ward where we've grown at least 3 months. I'm missing them already. I went home after that, tired. When I reached my stop, the train station was PACKED! Outside, you could hardly move with crowds and queues everywhere. The queue was so long it got to the Bus Interchange and even beyond that. I was shocked and confused. I saw policemen. The traffic was jammed. Cars were everywhere, carparks full. And people. Every inch space. I was like what's happening?

And then I saw the sign:

AIRSHOW -->

OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

Farewell.

2008-02-21T17:58:00.003+08:00

Last day of work! Finally! And it was so busy. I think it was trying to get the most out of me before I leave. 7 admissions at one go. Like really, within 15 minutes, there were 7 admissions. Phones were ringing off the hook. Like 2 phones ringing at the same time. Staff were busy with the patients and medications and IVs so.. left the clerk. It felt funny. Like really the HAHA funny. We're so busy like chickens.

Can't wait to come back on Saturday with Amala. I hope to see my favourite HO again. I'm putting myself up for a disappointment but.. it's the last day! What have I got to lose?

Anyway, it's 80 to 90 percent confirmed that I'll be working in Children's Emergency. I'll be with 5 or 6 other NYP students. I'll be the first and only NP student to work in KKH Children's Emergency.

I wish I was a doctor. So when the operator announces "Attention all medical staff. Code Blue in *insert place here*.", I can run to wherever it is and get all the excitement. Today there was one at the Women's Tower near the shuttle bus area.

I'm gonna miss my staff!

Oh. I think I know what it feels like to be the one whose hand is held by a woman or anyone in labour. I had this patient who squeezed the blood out of my hands almost distorting my finger bones when she was having contractions. She was screaming right there in the ward, in the cubicle of 6 patients. She kept on complaining of pain but refused IM Pethidine. Crying and screaming like shit. Next time think before having hot sex without proper contraception and then ending up having to abort the result of your consummation. Maybe consummation is not even the right word, since you're unmarried.

Yay.

2008-02-16T16:07:00.004+08:00

I love work yesterday. Although it was still busy like hell. Shortage of staff. Big time.

I like my staff.

And Dr. Chew made my day yesterday. I like him. Will miss him when he's gone.

Then school happened.

Student Nurse Nadiah's point of view.

2008-02-14T16:33:00.003+08:00

When I'm alone, the four walls and the non-living things in the room are privy to my secrets, my deep dark secrets. My feelings and my dreams and wishes. That's because I talk to myself. I yell, I sing, I beg, I groan, I swear, I cry. I make faces, I stamp my feet, I dance. Just within that 4 walls. Anywhere and anytime when a strong feeling provokes me. During work, after work. In the MO's room. In the preparation and the treatment room. In the sluice room. In the toilet in front of the mirror. Going home, in the lift, up to my house... And when someone steps into those 4 walls, when the lift door opens, when I'm finished with what I was doing in the room, with a quick sigh, the curtains come down, hiding my private performance and I walked out, a slight smile, or just a grim line depending on the situation, on my face.

I think I did a lot of that today. Today was quite eventful. Some of the events, which have a lot to do with Dr. Chew, gave my heart a workout. Especially when I catch his eyes and when he asks me to translate something to the patient and when he replies the notes clipped to the patients' casenotes and when he stands so bloody close to me. And when I found out he took the chocolates and the card. Damn it.

Others gave me a physical workout. It was utterly busy today. I was running here and there, doing this order and that, changing dressings, admitting patients, preparing patients for operation, doing the parameters, answering the call bell, helping patients to the toilet, writing and passing reports and God knows how many more.

This is the problem being a student nurse. Especially a third year student nurse. You're in between doing junior (EN) work and the staff nurse (SN) job. EVERYONE asks/tells you to do things. I know the real meaning of being a nurse, what you are really supposed to do when you're a staff nurse is really to not forget to do the basic nursing care. Being a staff nurse is like a combination of being an EN AND an SN. But really, when I really look at it, when I'm in the ward, the EN does her job and the SN does what only an SN can do, only OCCASIONALLY doing an EN job like answering the call bell and doing parameters and updating the goddamn I/O charts when there's no one around to help do that for them. But when they spot a student nurse, well, hey, who do you think they call for help?

Don't get me wrong, I still love helping people. Yea, I might grumble inside and my face would sometimes go a little darker. But I always approach the patient with at least a little smile. And when I did what I had to do for the patients and they talk to me while I'm at it and they thank me after that... I'd say it was worth it. For a moment you feel glad and humbled. It lasts for some time. And then you draw back the curtains around the patient's bed and all the rest of the work lies waiting for you. Man!

The staff, well, my staff, are really not all that bad. They're really not. I like them a lot. Sometimes when there's a lull during work, some of them actually apologizes and thank me after I did what they told me to do. At the end of the day, they kid with you. How can I stay angry or dislike them?

The doctors, the housemen mostly, some of them can be so bloody cocky, swaggering everywhere, writing and signing things we tell them to write and sign and then leaving it there on the already messy nurses' counter. God! When I think about some of them, well 2 exactly, I just wish I could give them a hard shove. But others.. mmm =)

I'm excited. I'm excited for what's coming. Of course, there are dread, definitely. But, well, let's see.

"Ring, ring!"

"Good morning/afternoon/evening, Ward 43, Student Nurse Nadiah speaking. May I help you?"

I'm not afraid of the ringing phone anymore!

Shocking news.

2008-02-09T21:05:00.000+08:00

Ward 43 and Ward 44 had very little patients as most went home for the New Year, so they combined the wards. My patients in Ward 43 moved to Wd 44. I only had 3 patients. There weren't much to do. But working with SN Wendy was nice.

Dr. Chew recognized me! He saw me somewhere along the shops, smiled and said hello. So nice!

After work, I went with Wendy to Dhoby Ghaut. Separated ways to meet up with our own friends. Caught the movie Sweeny Todd with Wil. I think that was the first movie that I came out not feeling dreamy in love or lighthearted with laughter or bouncy with excitement. But I still like Johnny Depp.

Anyway, 2 more weeks till PRCP ends!! I can't wait!

In the US, two nursing students were shot dead by their classmate. I had goosebumps when I heard about it.

Heath Ledger passed away from drug overdose.

Ah Meng is dead.

It's almost like a slap to the face.

On to another topic...

I wanna shop in Bloomingdales!!

As we know it.

2008-02-05T18:05:00.000+08:00

In hospitals, they say you know. You know when you're going to die. Some doctors say it's a look patients get in their eyes. Some say there's a scent, the smell of death. Some think there's just some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is heading for you, you feel it coming.

Whatever it is, it's creepy. Because if you know... what do you do about it? Forget about the fact that you're scared out of your mind.

If you knew this was your last day on Earth, how would you want to spend it?

Good Day.

2008-02-02T00:16:00.000+08:00

Today was GREAT!

After work I went back to school and met up with Tini, Ais and Nisa. We were all supposed to have our NAPFA test. But in the end, it was cancelled. Anyway, I had SO MUCH FUN catching up with them. We laughed a whole lot.

And I saw Wilson in school! After I found out NAPFA was cancelled, I asked him if he wants to go catch a movie. But realized he has work after school. So okay. After eating at MegaBites with the girls, I went home. Took the train. Past the halfway point to my stop, Wilson smsed me that he didn't have work after all. So we discussed, discussed, while I was suffocating from the body odour of this man standing in front of me (train was packed), and we decided to catch a movie! Yay!

We went to The Cathay and bought the 2125hr movie tickets to "27 Dresses". I've been wanting to see it since it's open in the cinemas. The movie was AWESOME. Katherine Heigl is GORGEOUS. The whole thing is really nice and sweet and romantic. I'm such a sucker for this kind of movies. Wilson likes it too. Thanks to me, he finally heard of the movie.

Anyway, I had a great time. I think I've always had a great time with him. It was the smartest move I've made, joining Red Cross. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known him. And to top it off, he told me Yewming asked about me! That was so sweet, Yewming remembering me. He remembers me and my name!

The movie ended about 2330hrs. So I decided to take a cab home. Good thing I had my NETS. God, I was so happy all the way home, smiling and stuff.

Oh, remember Dr. Ang, the HO I talked about previously? I dreamt of him. When I went to work, I had a stomachache thinking of him. I think I miss him or something? He's not in my ward anymore. The HOs changes wards every two weeks. Geez. I must have lusted over him or something. Or it could be infatuation. Cuz it can't be love. Haha.

The last day before Dr. Ang left, I asked him about something in the IMR. So then, in a friendly, cheerful kind of voice, he asked me to check the casenotes. So I was like okay, took the casenotes, opened it up and tried to read it. He walked behind me. I thought nothing of it. But then, he stopped beside me and stood so bloody damn close to read the casenotes I had, that I could smell his scent. He was on call, said he showered at 3am. Hahaha.

SHUT UP, NADIAH.

Oh have I ever told you how much I hate people who interrupts me? Spoils my moment so much, I don't even want to continue what I was saying to them.

Good God.

2008-01-30T16:25:00.000+08:00

I know, I know. I've yakked and yakked about doctors before. So, I'm going to make this quick.

I'm crazy about doctors!

Dr. Ang has the nicest cheekbones I've ever seen on a guy. And he's friendly and so cool. I've had 3 encounters with him that I'm excited about. Not that big an encounter but at least he knows I exist. Gawd! He's cute. Just now, at work. He was supposed to insert a Cervagem. He asked EN Hudah to assist him but she was busy on the phone. In my mind/heart, I wanted to volunteer. I was going to, almost found my courage, when he asked me first! If my heart had legs and a trampoline, it would have jumped. I think it did, up till my throat that I almost wanted to scream.

After work I saw Dr. Soon limping. I asked if he was ok and he was like "Oh yeah. Still painful." And then he said "Thanks for asking." If I had a Happy-o-meter, it kinda raised by a bit.

Haha.

Anyway, I'm watching The O.C. There's this guy, Oliver. I HATE HIM! I HATE HIS FACE! And Marissa. SO STUPID AND BLIND! Ok. That's just how they're supposed to act. Fine.

And who is this littlemimzy person?

I'm worth this much.

2008-01-25T20:15:00.001+08:00

HumanForSale.com - Free Quiz

Exact amount is $2,442,670. Tell me if you take the quiz. I wanna know how much you're worth. Haha.

What-EVER.

2008-01-24T23:53:00.000+08:00

I think I may have lost a friend. He's been cold.

Chatting with Tian Shun helped me get over it though.

Just a little bit. Everyone over there just reminds me of the bad stuff. I wish to cut it out of the picture of my life.

Get out of my way.

2008-01-21T19:48:00.000+08:00

I was late for work today. My first time being late. But it was not my fault. I had to make a detour because the train was out of service. So they had a shuttle bus to bring us to Tanah Merah MRT Station.

I came across 3 quite infuriating people I never wish to come across again.

One was the shuttle bus driver. She took the long way to each train stop.

Second was this woman (Singaporeans might call her 'aunty'). The kind I dislike the most. She's the kind who likes to gossip and talk in loud voices and likes to boast. She thinks she's so smart. She just HAD to force me down the bus, thinking that's the bloody stop but ends up going back up the bus because that was NOT the stop. So I wasted my spot in the bus, almost couldn't get back in because the bus was full to the seams. So she got down the back door, realized it was the wrong stop, rushed back to the front door, cutting the queue and then BLOCKS the damn entrance talking to the driver, asking questions. I'm like HELLOOOO. Some of us are late for work. THEN she just HAD to stand near the cramp entrance and the rest of us had to squeeze past her. I wish I could knock her over with my big bag.

Third was this absolutely no manners woman. She was like sniffing because of her runny nose or something. Suddenly she tap the man in front of her and asked for a plastic bag. But the man didn't have one. Just so happens, there was this guy standing beside her holding a plastic bag containing his styrofoam-packed food. I just could not take the way she asked for the bag. She taps the plastic bag the guy was holding and said "Lai, lai (come, come). I want plastic bag. Want to vomit." All the while gesturing with her hands for the plastic bag in a hurried way. Ok I know, it's better to hurry in case you vomit on people's shoes. But the tone she used! Oh man! Slap-deserving, please.

So anyway, I've already messaged Amala in advance to help me inform the staff that I'll be late. God! I wonder what they think of me now. Why does this has to happen just after I handed my Ward Sister my assessment form on how she'll grade me. I could have gotten 5 points (i.e. Always) for Punctuality.

But work was fine. I passed report quite well today.

Then Amala and I dropped by Bugis Junction and Bugis Village. Quite fun. I discovered this cool makeover place, thanks to Amala. They have this promotion going on. Usual price $180 or was it $160? But anyway, now it's only $65. I wanna go! Somebody accompany me!

And then on the way home, I saw Zhongwei!!!!! My secondary school friend. We used to be close. I so miss her. And secondary school life.

Wishing and Hoping.

2008-01-18T17:59:00.000+08:00

I hate work! Not that anything horrible is happening to me. I just plain hate work. When I was young I've never thought of working. Sure I've had ambitions like having a 'Dr.' in front of my name, but I've never really thought I'd go out into the world and work for money. When I got older, the hope of not working became even stronger. I wanted to study forever. Will I be correct if I say "Where would I get the money to study?" is the question on your mind? For me, money doesn't grow on trees.

Actually I don't mind working. I just hate starting low and having to work my way up. I hate facing up to the seniors and bosses. Maybe starting my own business won't have me do that. But I hate business.

Well, I guess I can't escape. Especially not when I'm planning to further my studies in the UK with Aisyah!

I wanna stay in budget apartments in a good neighbourhood.
I wanna sit in tiered lecture theatres with thick textbooks on my tiny desk that comes attached to the seat.
I wanna sit at wooden tables and benches or have a stroll in campus.
I wanna wear scrubs or their uniform when having attachments in the hospitals.
I wanna be friends with people with to-die-for British accents.
I wanna go upscale shopping in London.
I wanna visit a couple of old castles in the country.
I wanna put on fashionable winter coats and wrap a thick stylish scarf around my neck and stride confidently in heeled boots across the roads.
I wanna get a degree in Emergency Nursing there.

I don't think I'd need an adrenaline shot ever cuz I WILL have an adrenaline rush everytime I see a cute English guy there. Which I have a feeling would be everywhere. Hahaha.

And, I wanna find Mr. Right there. And Aisyah will sing me my theme song.

Hahaha.

But first, I have to go through 3 years of working in Singapore. I have to save up every last penny I can get my hands on. Damn! 3 years of work can't be enough to live in UK. Not even if I save and not ever touch all of my salary. *Mental calculations* Oh my God. I'm starting to think it's impossible to study in UK. Oh God, oh God. I hope there'll be scholarships there. I mean, China students who come to Singapore have bonds for 6 years. I hope it's similar over there. Please, please, please, please, PLEASE!

Airhead.

2008-01-09T16:45:00.000+08:00

My fellow PRCP mates and I went to get our uniform measured. Some say the new uniform looks like a stewardess outfit. That was my first thought after a few moments of eyeing the new uniform that I'd have to don on for 3 years. The colour's off-white. I much prefer white. So anyway, my size is XXS. And even that needed some adjustments. Gosh, seriously.

Work has been fine. I like being busy doing stuff. But I hate admissions. And I also hate it when patients keep on calling for you when you're utterly busy. Especially around the time to write and pass report. Because that's probably the most stressful part of the whole shift for me. Every single time, moments before I had to pass report, I'll get so nervous, my heart pumps faster. I feel like I'm doing a performance. What's more, you're not like THERE in the ward the WHOLE time. So you're not THERE to listen to the patients or get orders from EVERY doctor that works on your patients. Nor do you answer EVERY phone call that has something to do with your patients. So I'm always, ALWAYS, anticipating questions that I won't be able to answer from the staff I'm passing report to. And when I can't answer a question, I'll feel like I'm not doing a good job. Which is a horrible, HORRIBLE feeling because I am a perfectionist. I can't help it, but I am.

Sometimes I can't wait to be a staff. That's because I feel like making a new "CCA" in the hospital. I already have a member. But I think I'll make her a co-president. What CCA i'm talking about is a sign language club. Made for the staff. I can't help it. Every time I listen to my MP3, my hand itches to sign. It's really exciting and really nice to song sign, I just want to share it with more people. I'm already imagining how I'd stand in front of a few interested people introducing myself and the club and then giving a short song signing performance. I'm thinking... "Doing That Thing You Do" by The Wonders. It's catchy. A good song to attract people. Oh well. We'll see.

Anyway, I love change. Some of the changes I love are on me. Especially good changes. Like for example, I cut my hair! It's shorter now. Wait, duh! I felt really pretty and cute that I went for a quick shopping right after my haircut. Got some pretty simple accesories for my hair and some new earrings. I can't wait for my next hair cut! Maybe I should go once a month instead of the recommended once every 6 months. Nah. Maybe 3 months.

Begin the Begin.

2008-01-01T20:20:00.000+08:00

Fresh starts. Thanks to the calendar, they happen every year. Just set your watch to January. Our reward for surviving the holiday season, is a new year. Bringing on the tradition of New Year's resolutions. Put your past behind you, and start over.

It's hard to resist the chance of a new beginning. A chance to put the problems of last year to bed.

I really really can't wait to get away from it all. I want to leave practically every thing and every one I know (except my fam) behind and start every thing new. Sometimes I wish I can get hold of the memory file cabinets in my brain and shred some of them away. Just like in one episode of Spongebob Squarepants. Too bad I'm not a cartoon.

Who gets to determine when the old ends, and the new begins? It's not a day on a calendar, not a birthday, not a new year. It's an event. Big or small. Something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope.

A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning.

But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to.

I can't find anything to hold on to, yet. But I know some things that I'm letting go off: You all won't be seeing me in class anymore. Sorry.

Fill in the Blanks.

2007-12-29T22:07:00.000+08:00

Do this for me! Everyone. All those who know me. Even those who hardly talk to me. I hope all those in my links do this. Put it up on your blog and I'd do it for you too. Please? Haha. Whatever's on your mind. Go wild, have fun, humour and something believable.

I ____ Nadiah.
Nadiah is ____.
If I were alone in a room with Nadiah, I would ____.
I think Nadiah should ____.
Nadiah needs ____.
I want to ____ Nadiah.

Doctors.

2007-12-28T17:00:00.000+08:00

Doctors are yummy. They're hot in a way that they're utterly intelligent, authoritative and rich. So confident the way they stride across the ward and so adorable when they (the HOs) are rushing to get the case file or the IMR or the TPR charts for their boss, the consultants.

In my ward, currently, there's this HO (stands for House Officer aka Houseman), who totally awes me. Every time I hear him speak, I'll look up and sneak a couple of peeks at him. His voice is really deep and rich. It's the jelly-kneed kind of voice. It's like oh-my-Godddd. And he's cute too. Just now I was assisting him to take bloods for a patient. I was there to hold her arm because she's not really in the right state of mind. And his arm rested on my hand!!! Tachycardia, please.

There's another HO in my ward who is oh-so-cute. He's strong square jaw and perfectly shaped lips. And you know how HOs are supposed to dress. Long-sleeved collared office shirt and long pants. Yesterday, he looked so darn adorable with the back of his shirt tucked out and his sleeves rolled up. It's like oh-my-Godddd. He looked so relaxed.

Of course there are several more HOs that are damn pleasing to the eye and heart. Like at CGH.

But I don't only like HOs. There's this one Senior Registrar in CGH. Which is quite a top ranked doctor. Even though he's a senior doctor, he looks about 30 plus years old. He's a surgeon. He's tall, broad-shouldered, confident, intelligent, respected. And he looks like Julian Hee!! Especially his eyes. It's like OH-MY-GODDDD!!! Everyone I was with at CGH during attachment knows how I go excited over the Julian Hee doctor. Right, Shermine? Hahah.

Who's Julian Hee, you ask? Feast your eyes upon thse two photos of him! He was Mr. World 2003. Search for him and take a look at his abs.

Kiss Me Tender.

2007-12-27T16:48:00.000+08:00

Work was HECTIC today. Admissions after admissions. Thank God for student nurses.

I was actually in charge of 3 patients but in the end one is for home. So left two. At the last minute SSN Su told me to take one whole cubicle. I broke a sweat. Usually it wouldn't be that bad. But usually that was in CGH. But anyway, I did fine. Cool!

Halfway through the song "God Blessed the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts, on the way home, I got an SMS from him.

Halfway through the song "At the Beginning" by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis (...wonderful journey...), a silver Toyota Camry kissed my bus's rear end. Hard. I actually felt the jerk. It wasn't anything major. Which is a good thing because we were at the expressway. I'd die if I have to walk all the way to the next bus stop. Anyway, my bus captain took some pictures of the wreck and document some stuff. And we're off. The Toyota Camry went away with the purple mark of the bus on the hood.

I'm beat!

Merry Christmas.

2007-12-25T17:58:00.000+08:00

First of all, I'm well. I'm mending. Even though I dreamt about him last night, I'm fine.

And Merry Christmas to all Christians out there!

Today, my grandmother, my mom and her two sisters and one of the sister's husband and I went to Malaysia to attend my mom's cousin's wedding. Hmm. Well, what I know is that my wedding will not be like that.

Anyway, I felt pretty in my elegant dress and almost 4-inch (10cm) heels. But of course, that didn't stop me from walking barefooted around the shopping mall, a detour before we head back home to Singapore. The balls of my feet hurt. Thus, the pair of heels in my hand while my feet meets the cold, dry floor of the mall. I don't think it was very noticeable since I had on a long evening gown.

I ate a lot today. Roti prata in the morning, rice and stuff at the wedding and pasta plus plus at Kenny Rogers. And drinks. Iced mocha shake, some yellow coloured drink, plain water, 'winter' drink and ice cream. Oh, fruits, too.

Then we bought some Dunkin' Donuts or whatever it's called. Well, I'm not a huge fan of donuts. So I'm really like, whatever.

Have you ever wondered what it feels like being stopped by an immigration officer? You know. After your bag passes through the X-ray machine and a fellow officer still comes to ransack your bag? Half of my wonder is gone today. Half, because it wasn't me that got caught. Not that I will ever be caught for anything. I'm an obedient citizen. I follow laws. Well. I do jay-walk. Only when I'm really lazy and I know the road's safe. Otherwise, I'll hesitate so much that I end up walking to the pedestrian crossing, anyway. Either that or I'll run across the road even though the next car is like a few blocks away. Ask some of my friends. They know. Anyway, I'm never going to bring in chewing gums ever again. Not that I have. Usually it's some relative of mine that buys them. I'm not that into chewing gums either. It's not like your jaw hasn't enough exercise already, eating and talking every day.

To foreigners, I'm a Singaporean. I live in Singapore. There's a law about bringing in chewing gums into Singapore. Just, you know, FYI.

Oh, Ais. I went there via this causeway and immigration check-point that we also took when we went to Taman Negara. Suddenly I miss those times! I miss the rooms, I miss splashing water at the rivers, oh, and I miss scaring Sa'ab and co.! I miss the Dayaks! Wait, are they dayaks? Hahah I'm not sure. Tribal people? Ok. Maybe I don't miss them that much.

Ta, people!

PS Wilson's sweet.

Selamat Hari Raya Haji.

2007-12-20T16:03:00.000+08:00

Ooh. I think I'm over it already. My phone will be quiet from now on but really who cares. I save more money. My dream to go to UK one day to study seems like it's taken on a new shine.

Today is Hari Raya Haji and to those Muslim out there who knows me, wishes to you. And I'm glad you guys are reading this entry cuz I have a funny story to tell you. You know I'm skinny right. Like almost anorexic-looking, but not. OK. Keep that in mind.

You know during Hari Raya Haji we're encouraged to korban some animal. Well, I did. Mine was a sheep. So when my number was called, I came to the area where they did the slaughtering. One guy brought my sheep with my tag number out. Imagine the shocking coincidence when the sheep brought out for me was skinny. Well, it looked skinny compared to the rest. So I turned to my mom and said,

"So skinny." After a brief pause, my mom and I said at the same time, "Like me/you!" Hahaha.

After that we went straight to my grandmother's house and gave her the meat to cook for us. My aunt was there too. So we were like joking around. My aunt asked my mom what the last words of the sheep were. Was it "Baaa.."?

My mom just said no, the sheep was pretty silent.

And my grandmother said after a slight pause, "Just like it's master (me)." Hahahah. Seriously. How similar can the sheep and I get?

Imagine that's the sheep I'll ride on across Padang Masyar.

To those non-Muslim, I'm a bit lazy to explain all these customs. I was quite impressed when I saw a few Chinese guys in the mosque listening to the Muslim holy man explain about the customs.

So anyway, I'm still here at my aunt's house. Her whole family's there. My grandmother lives with them. My whole family's here too. And another aunt and her family just arrived. So I'm surrounded my my cousins and all. Just now we played pictionary. Dear God. It was such fun. All of us were laughing so hard. Good medicine for me. I need more of it to heal.

Bring the Pain.

2007-12-19T17:53:00.000+08:00

Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain. The normal pains we live with every day. Then there's the kind of pain we can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else. Makes the rest of the world fade away. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us.

Pain. We anesthetize... ride it out, embrace it, ignore it... And for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.

As she listens to Avril Lavigne's shrill voice crying out to the one she misses, she waits for the bus late at night. She puts it on repeat, the blinding headlights of vehicles grow larger as her vision blurs with tears. Tomorrow is the day. The day she'll start missing someone so badly, her chest will hurt from the wrenching pain. By the third repeat of "When You're Gone", her silent tears morphs into quiet sobs. She understands the feeling of near blindness as her eyes brimmed. She covers her mouth trying to prevent the escape of anguished sobs. "I will not cry tomorrow," she whispers.

"Do you know the reason?"

Frustration bubbles in her when she fails to accomplish the promise she has made to herself.

"Take care."

She stands and turns without looking back. A nice continuous strong wind stopped her. She turns her face up against the wind, relishing the feeling of her swept back hair, the caress on her cheeks and neck. She stands still, the only thing that moves is the rest of the world. The vibration of her phone interrupts. A message.

Damn you, tears.

Pain. You just have to ride it out. Hope it goes away on its own. Hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions. No easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside.

Most of the time, pain can be managed. But sometimes, the pain gets you when you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up.

Pain. You just have to fight through. Because the truth is, you can't outrun it. And life always makes more.

Ever ever after.

2007-12-14T12:06:00.000+08:00

I went to school yesterday. Supposedly to study my drugs. The indications, side effects and stuff. I brought a pen, my notebook, my PDA. I pressed the blue ink from my multi-coloured expensive but comfortable pen. I opened my pretty little notebook. Then, *SCREEEEECH!*. My right hand armed with my pen screeched to a halt mid way to the black-lined paper. I forgot my damned list of drugs that I was supposed to study. All the drugs I've painstakingly took down from the medicine trolley is safely tucked away in the pocket of my other bag which I left behind at home.

Right.

So for close to an hour, I sat at my desk in the library. I played Solitaire on my PDA but my head and eyes hurt from looking at the cards. I went online. Even worse. The screen's so small and there are some stuff I can't do on the PDA. Like replying a Friendster commment. I tried reading my book. But the seat's not comfortable. And I was starving.

Anyway, instead of 2pm, Daniel came at 3pm plus. By then I already wanted to die of boredom. Before that I went to finish the movie I didn't get to finish the other time in school. The Shawshank Redemption. It was nice.

He finally arrived and he was such a gentleman for complimenting me on how I look. I know I really took care of how I dressed yesterday. Hahah. And that's what a gentleman does anyway. You watch TV. When the lady arrives to the restaurant, he stands up and compliments her.

Then we went to Safra Yishun Country Club. I've never been to one before. It was pretty nice. Well, our mission there was to play bowling. We were on a waiting list of about 45 minutes. So we went to walk around. Played arcade. I can never win the racing car game thing. Haha.

Then we started playing bowling. I was quite reluctant actually. Seriously. The last time I played bowling, Nisa fell at the lane. Haha. And the little kids can roll the darn heavy balls and actually hit at least 6 pins. It's a little bit embarrassing rolling the ball and it keeps going into the gutter. And the shoes didn't match my outfit! Hahaha. BUT! I was sporting enough to play two games. I must have some hidden skill because I came out the winner both times. Score! Or maybe it was luck. But either way. I won!

And then, a quiet journey home with him on my shoulder. He signed, I laughed, 3rd bus arrived, kiss on cheek, and I'm up home.

Oh did I tell you? The night before, I talked to his brother, Louis! Well, for about 15 seconds but ooh! He's adorable!

Made in Singapore.

2007-12-10T17:25:00.000+08:00

Like on Swee Teng's blog, she put up some really beautiful photos from all over the world. So I'm going to showcase some of the photos Mr. Daniel Cheong took of Singapore. He's a Singaporean. After seeing some of them, I'm like "I didn't know Singapore was so beautiful". I was in total awe. Here are some:

This is the Tang Dynasty City, Singapore. From what I read, the place used to be a themepark that recreated the seventh century Chinese Village of Chang 'An, the present day Xian. Now it's completely abandoned and left in ruins.

This is the Chinese Garden, Singapore. Wow. I'd like to see it in person.

This is a shot at the Lower Pierce Reservoir, Singapore.

This is at Punggol Beach, Singapore. I think this was the place Health Science had the barbecue.

The famous Merlion. For those who don't know, like me, until today, the statue is 8 metres tall and weighs 40 tons. It's beautiful.

And this is the MRT, or the Tube, or the Subway. Unlike the ones I read about in another country, this one is air-conditioned. Aren't you amazed at how clean it is? It's very empty because Mr Cheong took the shot when the train has arrived at the terminal station and he was the last one to leave the train.

And to my favourite 2 photos:

This is the Istana Woodneuk. It's in Singapore. Somewhere. Who has difficulty in believing that this abandoned building is actually in Singapore? I did.

Another view of the Istana Woodneuk. It's also called the Tyersall House.

After that I went to research a little on this building. And come to think of it, I've heard of it. It's just lodged at the back of my mind. I read a book once, Singapore-based. Interesting.

William Napier, a distinguished lawyer and friend of the early architect George D Coleman occupied its premises. Originally known as Tyersall House, it was built in 1854, designed by J.F.A McNair. The estate was 67 acres. Tyersall Avenue leads the way out to Napier Road, which was named after him.

In March 1857, Boustead and Co. advertised this estate for sale. In 1860, Sultan Abu Bakar Of Johor took over the property and Tyersall House was demolished. Istana Woodneuk, designed by the Malay architect, Datok Yayah, was constructed in its place in 1890 and completed 2 years later. The new house was 210 feet long and 174 feet deep, having 420 doors, featuring a carriage porch, a grand staircase, reception, ball and billiard rooms.

At 2:45am on Sep 10, 1905, the house was badly burnt by fires caused by faulty electrical wiring. By 1907, the Istana Woodneuk was left vacant.

VERY interesting. I don't know if it'll be trespassing if we enter but I found out there's quite a number who's already been there. Even into the house, into the rooms! Does anyone wanna go and see the place? Bring me along! I'm sending invisible, brain, telepathic vibes to you. Particularly to that one person who reads my blog and likes to explore Singapore. *Vibe-ing squinting, eye-twitching vibes*

Ok. I'll stop. Wouldn't want to weird you out.

So? What do you think? Singapore really is lovely sometimes. And Mr. Cheong is really good with his camera. Applauds. To see more, click here.

That's me.

2007-12-06T13:58:00.000+08:00

You Are a Sensitive Kisser

For you, kissing is a way to connect

And you need lot of care, attention, and privacy

It may take you a while to kiss someone...

But when you do, it's total fireworks

What's Your Kissing Style?